Is there a way out?
by Beni-kun
Summary: No longer having any time, nor money for fun now that he's entered college, Benimaru figures out what he has to do in order to survive the bittersweet life. Please read and review! :D CH 26 UP! Is There a Way Out?
1. Bittersweet life

Hello there! I'm deciding to make another freakin' fic that maybe some of you will maybe like…except for those who don't like male/male relationships…not really relationships and all…but if you read on, you'll find out pretty soon! Please read and review! Read on!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters I use in my fics…the SNK ones. Also, some lyrics parts to a song from my former favorite band, Elliott! Anyhoo, onto this fic!

Chapter 1: Bittersweet life

"What are you doing tonight?" The brunette asked, looking at the blonde for a moment.

"Nothing…just the usual…" The blonde trailed off.

"Oh…what's the usual?" The brunette smirked slightly.

"Practice with my music, and all…it's gonna become famous one day, you know?" The blonde smirked back, heading out the door.

"Right. I'll see you later then, Beni." The brunette laughed slightly, waving him off.

"All right then, see ya, Kyo." Benimaru raced off. He knew he was going to be late…but they could wait, couldn't they?

Once at the door, Benimaru knocked slightly, afraid to knock any louder-he hoped that nobody heard him, so he could just go home. Unfortunately, a man in his mid-thirties opened the door.

"Why are you late? I might as well tell you to leave right now." The man angrily spat, looking at the blonde with a glare.

"I had to finish something at school-please, I can make up for it." Benimaru gulped slightly, hoping that he'd re-consider. After all, he needed it…needed it for a certain reason.

"All right…but you better promise that this will be good." The man smirked, signaling the blonde inside. Benimaru walked inside nervously, looking around. The man pointed to the bed. The blonde sat on it while the man readied himself. He took off his suit, and tie, smirking as he came towards the blonde slowly. He pushed the blonde onto the bed, kissing him forcefully. The man caressed the blonde's body, undressing him quickly, possessing himself onto him…after all, he was paying this young, blonde man for it…he could do anything he wanted to him…

30 minutes later, the man slid out, taking off the condom, then going for his wallet in his pants. The blonde lay there, just as he did with every other…feeling ashamed, helpless…

"Here you go. Now get your sweet ass out of here before I get the urge to get seconds on you." The man smirked, handing the blonde a wad of money. The blonde got dressed quickly, and headed out, counting the money along the way. ($600…it's good enough… but it's still not enough…) Benimaru thought, biting his lip nervously. He felt dirty…dirtier than before…and each appointment left him feeling even dirtier than before, almost as if the dirtiness clung to him, and built up on him...

He headed home, where he took a shower, scrubbing himself at least 30 times, but still feeling the same…empty inside, dirty. (Who am I?) He asked himself as he looked in the mirror, looking at the face reflecting…was it really him? He couldn't recognize himself anymore. Benimaru headed to his microphone in the middle of the living room, and plugged it in. He set the speakers low, so only he could hear himself, and began to sing.

"_Bound to own, all of our dreams, intimate love affairs with common man themes._" He took a quick breath, and continued. "_You'll come quick, you'll come here now, fool to make it all erase. You stand where you fall, you climb where you cave, your looks spent the life, your body would pay. You're a minute thin when the time is always right. You've already Americanized your thoughts._" He raised his voice slightly, singing with more passion. "_Realize I try, feel it's all I've got! It's all Americanized, that's all, you lead your life, pretending that you're not found dead yet, you've already made it, you've already made your goal…_" He dropped the microphone, covering his head with his hands. Tears fell slowly down his cheek, and onto the carpeted ground. He cried silently, wishing that he didn't have this life…this bittersweet life…

LPLPLP

So, what did you guys think? I know, you're like, why start a fic when you haven't even finished the other ones? Well, this came to my mind after watching some TV…and so, I really felt like it would be a great fic that I could really write at the moment. I just got the urge to write this-and I hope that ya'll like the start of it! Please review, later, peace:D


	2. As far as I can tell, you're not happy

All right! Now, thanks to the person who reviewed…what the heck did that mean…O.o oh well! I'm glad anyway. Anyhow, please read and review! Thanks!

Disclaimer: I don't own…I only own the sick twisted plot to this story…as for any other stories I've made. XP

Chapter 2: As far as I can tell, you're not happy at all…

In the morning, Benimaru awoke to knocking on his door. He got up sleepily, pulling on some sweat pants over his boxers. He had no shirt on-it felt too uncomfortable at night these days. He opened the door to a smiling Kyo, who just stepped in with Yuki along his side. Yuki looked at Benimaru with slight shock on her face. She'd never seen Benimaru in just sweats that looked baggy, plus his boxers showing under the sweats. She realized last, that he had no shirt on. They had really caught him off-guard this time.

"Gomen for having to see me like this." Benimaru smiled sheepishly, noticing Yuki's stare. Kyo seemed surprised, but not as much as Yuki had. He just smiled slightly.

"Are you up to kicking it with us today?" Kyo asked, sitting on the couch.

"Umm, well, I don't know…I've got other plans today… Benimaru trialed off, biting his lip. He was trying to decide whether to cancel his appointments that day or not…

"Like what?" Kyo interrupted his thoughts.

"You know, work on the music…" Benimaru lied.

"Aw, common, dude! You always say that…you've changed over the years. Ever since you got into that stupid college." Kyo pointed out, making Benimaru look down in slight shame…he couldn't tell him…not anyone.

"Sorry, but I can't…maybe some other time." Benimaru smiled slightly as Kyo got up to leave. Yuki followed, confused as to why Kyo was leaving so early.

"Right. Common, Yuki, let's go." Kyo headed out the door with Yuki while Benimaru stood there, thinking. Things had changed...but it wasn't his fault…or was it? He took the choice, so it had to be.

"Fuck…" He got ready to go to the park. He had realized that it was already 11:54AM…he could catch some lunch somewhere. He headed out, putting on his black jacket. He decided to leave his hair down today…after all, it was just too much of a hassle to deal with these days. He suddenly ran into someone.

"Where's the rent?"

"Excuse me?" Benimaru looked at the man, who had a small smirk on his face.

"Did you get enough money for the rent?" The man asked, crossing his hands. Benimaru's eyes widened. He had completely forgotten about it…he couldn't pay it…he had to save the money he'd earned last night.

"Kami, I'm so sorry…I'll pay you when I get enough, I promise." Benimaru looked at the man, who seemed to have a better plan in his mind. He knew it.

"You either give me the money…" He touched the blonde's cheek slightly, then continued. "Or you give me a little something in my office. My wife isn't here, anyway." The man smirked, taking hold of Benimaru's slender waist, but Benimaru pulled away.

"No, I'm sorry, but I'm in a hurry-maybe when I get back." Benimaru walked away quickly before the man had a chance to say anything new. He headed into the park, sitting where he always sat to watch…

"She's here…but I can't let her see me…not until I have her." Benimaru mumbled, a small smile formed on his face as she swung on one of the swings. He then decided to take a risk today-even if…even if she knew nothing about him. He went over to the swing next to her, and began to swing himself slowly. She looked at him, a sweet, innocent smile on her face…unlike his own…he was far from being innocent, and he knew it.

"What are you doing here every morning?" She asked innocently, looking at Benimaru's pale face. He looked as if he hadn't eaten in days.

"What do you mean?" Benimaru's smile suddenly faded.

"You're here every morning when I'm here." She replied, smiling at him. Benimaru had to admit-she was pretty smart.

"Oh, well…um-" Before he could reply, a woman interrupted him, going over to the girl, and embracing her for safety, afraid that the blonde man would steal her.

"What are you doing here with her?" The woman asked, looking at Benimaru in disgust. He looked like crap.

"I was just strolling around…I'm sorry if you thought of me other-wise." Benimaru smiled, then got off the swing. She had no idea who he was…and neither did he.

"Bye mister." The little girl waved, and Benimaru smiled-probably the first time since that year…he felt better somehow.

"See ya around" Benimaru replied, waving back to the little blonde haired girl. Despite of the woman who kept looking at him with slight disapproval at the 'See ya around' comment. He sighed, hoping to try and get some cheap food somewhere not too far away. As he walked alongside the road, a honk startled him from behind. He looked to see who it was, and to his surprise, it was Kyo and Yuki. They pulled up alongside him, and Kyo rolled down his window.

"What are you doing in this freezing weather?" Kyo asked, signaling him inside the car. "Get in." Kyo unlocked the doors, and Benimaru got in, shivering slightly.

"Where were you headed?" Kyo asked, looking back at him for a moment.

"Just somewhere to get something to eat." Benimaru smiled happily. Kyo noticed the tone in his voice…he was actually…happy. Other times, he sounded stressed out, and tired for some odd reason.

"We're goin' to get some pizza-I'll buy." Kyo answered before Benimaru could reject to the offer. Benimaru nodded, looking out the window. He knew this would start off to be a better day…he'd try to change, but there were no guaranties.

LPLPLP

Second chapter! So, what'd you think? Please review, and tell me what you thought! Yes, this is a bit mysterious, so if you figure out what he's trying to do and all-then you're a genius. Just guess…and I'll surprise you in the next chapters! Later, peace:D


	3. This normal life, it's not so simple

Here goes nothin'! Here is the next chapter for all those…well, for those who want to read…and review. Anyhow, please review!

Thanks to _-GFYN-_ ...right? Eh, I had to look really quick b/c my freakin' free trail to Microsoft Word is practically expired...so, I had to finish and edit this chapter here on this site...Anyhoo, thanks for your review! Hmmm..the reason I haven't finished any of my other fics...I think it's just because I really just start going to weird places with those fics, and they just get weirder and weirder by the chapter...so, maybe that's why...I'll try to finish them...and this one...anyhoo, onto the chapter! XD

Disclaimer: I don't own and of the KOF characters used in this fic…I just torture them…most of the time. XP

Warnings: Just the eventual 'that's what you get for being a whore' type of punishment...you'll find out!

Chapter 3: This normal life, it's not so simple…

Benimaru's POV

I head back to the apartment, dreading what I'm coming home for…the rent. I had almost forgotten about it.

"Yo, Kyo!" I shout, running towards the car again. He stops, and I run to it, smiling sheepishly.

"Can I borrow some money?" I ask, hoping that he'd give me some.

"Sure…how much?" Kyo asks.

"Just about $65." I answer, biting my lip from nervousness. Kyo raises his eyebrow quizzically, but takes out the money, and hands it to me.

"God, thanks. I'll pay you back-it's for the rent." I add in, then head inside. The cold weather is killing me. I head inside the room, knowing that I practically skipped all of my appointments-due to the fact of hanging out with Kyo and Yuki all day. I actually had some fun…As I reach to turn on the lights, I'm grabbed from behind, and pressed up against the wall.

"Where's the rent?" I hear a voice beside my ear. I then realize that it's Ed-the owner of this shitty apartment building.

"I-it's right here." I try to dig it out of my pocket, while he turns on one of the lights. I feel him pressed up against me so closely…it's disturbing. He snatches it, and out of the corner of my eye, see him stuff it into his back pocket. He caresses my hair slightly, kissing my neck. I smell liquor on him-he must've been drinking.

"I paid you already, please, let me go." I manage through the knot in my throat.

"Well, you're a whore…so, why don't you want to fuck me, but yet, you want to fuck all those other fuckers out there…I've given you loads of chances to keep this damn apartment room-and now you owe me. Your ass would've been out on the streets by now, and you know it!" Ed shoves me onto the floor, a smirk on his face. I get up, then head for the door, but he catches my hair, and pulls me towards him, while I scream out, and fall to the ground. I feel my hair being pulled out, but before I have a chance to react, he throws me onto my own bed, getting on top of me, and roughly kissing me.

"Stop! No, please!" I beg, and try to get out from under him-but it's no use.

"You're all mine tonight, Nikaido…I'll fuck you like no one's ever done…then you might appreciate me a little more." He smirks, literally ripping off my clothes. Oh God…this can't be happening...He unzips his pants, caressing himself a bit. I'll just take it…hold in the pain…after all, he's the one providing me a place to stay…I'll have to.

LPLPLP

He's gone…I'm just laying there…too afraid to move…afraid that more blood will leak onto the spreadsheets…afraid that I might feel the horrifying pain once more. Raped…he literally raped me. My face still feels swelled up, and I can still taste the blood from my busted lip. Why? Why did he do this to me?

"_Because You're a whore…" _I suddenly hear a voice in back of my head. _"You're a whore…so who's going to care if a whore like you gets raped?_ I hear the voice once more…but I ignore it, covering my ears…it's useless…I can still hear it. I curl my naked body tightly, hugging myself, the tears rolling down my cheeks, soaking the already soaked bed with my tears…why? Why do I have to go through this? I close my eyes in attempt to stop the tears, and go to sleep…anything but being awake here...

LPLPLP

It's morning…I can't stand the light from the window. I shield my eyes slightly, looking onto the dried blood on the bed sheets. Kami, I am a failure…I get up slowly, wishing that this pain would go away…only, I know it'll be with me forever. I pick up the phone with my shaking hand, and dial the number I ignored for so many years.

"Hello?"

"D-dad. It's me, Beni-"

"Beni? Kami, Beni, where the hell-" There was a small pause before hecontinued. "I thought you were dead, Beni, where are you?"

"I'm still in Tokyo, dad…c-could you send me some money?"

"No, you have to come home, I was worried sick-"

"No, I can't! I've got something I have to do first-that's why I've gotta have some money, please dad…" I trail of, remembering her in the park yesterday.

"Fine…How much do you need?"

"Just whatever you can give me, dad…" I manage to have a small smile on my face.

"$700. That's all I can give you for the moment…are you sick? You sound like it." He suddenly asked.

"No, no, I'm not sick, dad…just tired." Yea, just tired of life…

"Okay, then…but please, call me so I can make flight arrangements for America, Beni…you have to come back."

"Okay, I'll try…dad?"

"Yeah?"

"I-I'm sorry…I'm sorry I've failed you…" I hang up before he could say anything else…he knows the address to my mail box…I just hope it's still active…I need that money…all I can think about is her…she's why I can't sleep at night…not until I have her in my arms…not until she's mine.

LPLPLP

Okay! How was that? I know, kinda short…BUT, with a little luck, you just might find out what Benimaru is up to…boy, I really gave Beni a sorry life in this fic…eh, anyway, please review, please?(Shows youthe puppy eyes) Later, peace:D


	4. Recovering, but slowly

Heh,heh...It makes me wonder, too. Which way DOES Benimaru swing? I think, that in KOF, he's just as straight as a pin! Personally, I think he could be bi...BUT, to his womanizing remarks, he just likes women. Although, he is way too conceited-and is always trying to flirt around with everyone he meets. I imagine what he's gonna do with Elizabeth in KOF XI...heh,heh...I now know, thanks to Lady Kadaj, that Benimaru, Duo Lon, and Elizabeth joined all because they were at a French bank...and they almost got robbed...but, Duo Lon, and Beni are both looking for Ron-that's the thing I'm sure about. Heh, well anyhoo, onto tha chapter, and please review:D

Hey, I knew that it wasn't your name...just tha screen name. Anyhoo, thanks! At least I know one person is reading this darn fic. Keep it with this story! I hope I didn't scare you away with that last chapter! Thanks for reviewing-onto tha chaper! No, really, this time it's onto that chapter:)

Disclaimer: I don't own and of the KOF characters used in this fic…I just torture them…most of the time. XP I also don't own some of the lyrics from _Elliott_, which I breifly used.

Warnings: None at the moment for this chapter...just some new happenings...

Chapter 4: Recovering, but slowly...

Benimaru's POV

I head off to college, hoping that I won't see him as I walk out. I know he enjoyed what he did to me last night...I know that he'd been wanting to do that for a long time now...that he'd been wanting to rape my ass...instead of the usual I gave him when I had no rent money. The basic blowjob. I know, it's probably what most do...and I hate doing it. BUT, it's either living out on the streets, or having to depend on someone else who hardly has any money as well. Well, at least Kyo has Yuki, but I have no one, including myself to count on. I head out, and downstairs, not fully recovered, and still in pain-But I'll live. Luckily, he's not anywhere in sight, so I rush off to go catch the morning bus. Today is Monday...the only day of the week I dread going to college to...all the homework packed all a once from all your professors. Forunately, I actually make it in time for the bus, and sit in the far back, making sure no one will stare at my pale face...busted lip, looking like shit...my almost expressionless face. Through all the pain and stresses, I've given up on trying to give my face full expressions...I feel dead...

"Hey." I suddenly hear a voice, which, to me, is really rare. I look up to see a slightly freckled face looking at my own pale face...damn...I've gotta eat more.

"Um, hey." I just hope that he hasn't come to schedule an appointment...

"Is it okay if I sit with you?" The accented voice says softly, and I realize that I have the only spot left that's open. I quickly react, and move my backpack aside.

"Go ahead." I study him-or is it her? As he sits down, taking out a book, and some black-rimmed glasses which seem to be the style now-a-days. I realize that it's French.

"Are you French?" I ask, which is a stupid thing to ask, but I obviously want to form a conversation with this person.

"Oui...what are you, American?"

"Um, only half." I smile sheepishly, then hold out my hand.

"I'm Benimaru. What about you?" I ask, while he only looks at my hand for a while, then decides to shake it.

"I'm Ash." He responds with a slight smirk.

"Nice to meet you, Ash. Are you new here?"

"To this part of the country, yes...I'm heading to the college nearby."

"Wow, so am I! What are you studying?" I just have to ask.

"Musique...what about you?"

"So am I. That's pretty cool. What do you do?

"I play the bass guitar...and I sing on some occasions." He responds. I suddenly feel...excited. I almost forgot what it felt like...

"Hey, that's awesome, Ash. I sing, and play guitar."

"Hmm...c'est genial. Maybe we can get together to play sometime." He smirks, standing up. I realize that we're already at the stop, and follow him quickly outside. I realize that he's a bit shorter-but it's not like the people around here are any taller. Well, I suppose I should head onto class-just to get it over with...

LPLPLP

Normal POV

"So, Benimaru, is it?"

"Yea."

"How is it that you got those bruises on your face, and all?" The French man dared to ask, studying Benimaru's expression. Benimaru winced slightly, remembering last nights horrifying event.

"I, um-"

"Oh, desole...I'm sorry, I ask of what I should not know."

"No,no...it's okay..." Benimaru responded, trying to force a smile to his face but failed, only gaining more curiosity from the French man.

"Well, where are you headed? Are you going back to where you live?" Ash asked, changing the subject.

"Yea...want to come?"

"Oh, I would love to. Do you by any chance have any room for me to stay there with you? It would be cheaper if we shared." Ash suggested, which startled Benimaru. He'd barely met this French student, and he was already asking him if he could stay with him. (No, it's not for what I think it is...He's just trying to adapt here in Japan with someone he's already talked to) Benimaru thought, then quickly smiled.

"That's a good idea. Come on." Benimaru took him by the hand, startling the French student. They finally arrived since they had gone on foot, and Ash looked tired.

"Do you want some coffee?" Benimaru asked, looking at Ash's tired figure on one of the couches.

"Oui..." Ash replied, while Benimaru looked at him quizically.(Was that a yes or a no?) Benimaru shrugged, then headed to the kitchen to make it. He suddenly remembered the bed...He quickly took off to the room, and disposed of the covers, putting on newly washed ones, even replacing the pillowsheets. Once finished, he looked toward the now-asleep figure on the couch. He smiled to himself, then checked on the coffee, which he knew for sure it hadn't brewed yet, but he wanted to do something besides study Ash on the couch. He sighed, going over to the couch to place his jacket over Ash's sleeping figure. As he turned to leave, he heard a slight groan, followed by mumbling from his guest.

"Non...qui?...ou?..." Benimaru understood nothing, but smiled, heading over to the kitchen once more. It was barely 5:43PM, and he couldn't believe that Ash had fallen asleep so quickly.(Of course, there's always that nervousness that wears you out...and those professors that keep talking non-stop...) Benimaru thought as he served the coffee, and put just the right amount of sugar in his own. There was a sudden knock at the door, which startled Benimaru. He quickly headed over to open it, wondering who it could be. When he opened it, he was surprised to see Kyo there, a small smile on his face.

"Oh, wow. You're here." Kyo laughed slightly, but Benimaru put his finger to his lips to indicate for him to be quiet.

"What?"

"There." Benimaru signaled to the couch, where Ash, apparently, still lay sound asleep.

"Who's that?" Kyo frowned, probably trying to determine if it was a girl or not.

"That's Ash. He's going to share this shitty apartment room with me." Benimaru seemed to spit out the apartment part sourly.

"Oh...so, who is it?" Kyo asked once more.

"_He_ plays the bass, and sings some. That's how we got talking." Benimaru replied, emphesizing the word, 'he'.

"Okay...I seriously thought he was a chick. Anyhow, dude, so what about that rent. Did you pay it?" Kyo asked.

"Of course I paid it..." Benimaru replied, trailing off slightly. (I paid in so many different ways to that bastard...) Benimaru thought bitterly, remembering his face. Kyo, apperently, hadn't noticed it yet. Almost as if reading his mind, Kyo then looked at his face, noticing the bruises on his face, and the busted lip.

"Where'd you get that from?" Kyo asked.

"I, um, I got into a fight in college class. Let's just say that we got pretty even." Benimaru lied, swallowing the tight knot in his throat. Kyo was about to reply when Ash's voice startled them both.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I fell asleep, didn't I?" Ash sat up slightly, while, Kyo, found it amazing to see that the man had an accent.

"It's okay. Your coffee is on the table...I didn't know how you wanted it, but-"

"A lot of sugar." Ash replied before Benimaru could say more.

"Right. I'll go make it." Benimaru headed over to the kitchen, and prepared it. Kyo looked at him with a puzzled look on his face.

"Coffee? At this hour?"

"Yea. It's good." Benimaru had almost forgotten to introduce them.

"Oh, Ash, this is Kyo. Kyo, this is Ash." Benimaru said before giving Ash his enriched with sugar coffee.

"Nice to meet you." Kyo smiled slightly.

"Bon...nice to meet you too." Ash replied, then took a small drink of his coffee.

"Hey, well I just came by to get my jacket, remember?" Kyo smirked, grabbing his jacket from one of the chairs in the kitchen.

"Oh. Right. I'll see ya later."

"Yeah, later." Kyo headed out the door, and Benimaru shook his head.

"Is Kyo your friend?" Ash asked suddenly.

"Um, yea. He's weird." Benimaru smiled slightly, then took a small drink from his own steaming cup of coffee.

"Well, it seems to me that you like to sing, do you not?" Ash pointed to the microphone Benimaru had in the small living room.

"Yea, I love it." Benimaru smiled, going over to it. "Would you like me to sing something?"

"Oui...as long as it's good." Ash smirked, then Benimaru took it, and plugged it in.

"_Saw it all, fall apart in a mass hit_." He paused before going on. "_Telephoned, right before the heart quit...And we just stare. Control's not enough, your lives aren't enough, cold poison, the forms of your addiction, calms to make us civil." He then began to sing with more passion. "Paralyize this body to strike direction! With chemicals, and contract hits. Feeding on me, paralyzed soul, giving me no way out.._." Benimaru trailed off, then set the microphone back into its place, smiling at the mesmorized Ash on the couch.

"That was fantastic! I enjoyed it greatly. Have you ever considered making a band?" Ash questioned, putting down the cup he'd already finished.

"Well, yea, but I want to see what I can do first...or, I don't know...just haven't really thought about it." Benimaru said sheepishly, sitting down on the couch once more.

"You should think about this...it could mean a lifetime career..." Ash replied faintly while Benimaru cluttered his his head with thoughts.

_Lifetime career...I only wish I had it made for me that way...but I don't...and there's no turning back for me now..._

_LPLPLP_

Well, I guess this is the end of this chapter! Anyhoo, hopefully, within the next chapters, you'll know exactly what Benimaru is up to...until then, keep guessing, and please review! Thanks:D


	5. Break Through

Okay! FINALLY, a chapter for this fic. Thanks to all who reviewed...can't quite remember since I haven't updated this fic in a long time. lol Anyway, onto the fic-I hope you all enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own and of the SNK characters, or the lyrics to _Sickness_ by _Grey Daze_, and _Blue Storm _by _Elliott_. So, please don't sue...only using them for Beni's so-called singing-that he made up lyrics for! lol

Notes: _italics_ are lyrics parts...and some angst involved...gotta love it.

Chapter 5: Break through

Benimaru's POV

It's night...I have no notion to get up from the ground, where I lay uncomfortably. I look at the clock. It's almost 2:00AM...fuck...I can't sleep.

"Can't sleep, can you?" I suddenly hear a voice above, on the bed. "You know, you don't have to do this for me...I can sleep on the ground...or, maybe we could just share the bed." Ash suggested before I could say anything else.

"No, it's fine...I'll sleep on the floor." I mumble, but sit up in frustration.

"Come...I won't bite." I can hear the smirk in his voice. I sigh, then get up, grabbing my pillow from the floor. I get into the bed beside him, trying not to think of the other night's incident. I lay down, thinking hard to myself...what if I don't get enough? What if I've come too late? Kami...this just keeps getting worse...why can't I do this faster? Why can't I finish this once and for all? Kami, I need the help...even if I risk harming myself more than I already have...

LPLPLP

Normal POV

"Why don't you consider singing tonight?" Ash spoke up from the kitchen while Benimaru was in the room, looking for something to wear. They were going somewhere...anywhere but the apartment room.

"Umm, I don't know. Where?" Benimaru responded, slipping on one of his regular shirts.

"I know this place where you can sing, and get some money." Ash responded. This caught Benimaru's attention. He quickly slipped on some shoes, and went over to the kitchen, where Ash sat, already ready to go.

"For money?"

"Oui...this interests you?" Ash raised his eyebrow in slight suspicion.

"Umm, well, yea. It gives me an opportunity to see if I'm really going to like playing music." Benimaru replied, not looking at him, but rather, at his watch. "Common, let's go." Benimaru took hold of his arm. Just as he did so, the door opened, and Ed was there. Benimaru looked away from his stare, and looked at Ash a moment. Ash had no idea what was going on. Why had this man entered without knocking first?

"Benimaru...hn. I see you've found yourself a room mate, eh?" Ed smirked, crossing his arms across his chest. "You've still got to pay me from the other week...you never gave it to me." Ed headed over to them.

"I already paid you..." Benimaru looked down, letting go of Ash's arm. He remembered about that painful night. How could he not remember what he had done to him?

"Oh really? When?" Ed smirked even more. "Don't make me make a scene in front of your friend here, Benimaru."

"I said I already paid you..." Benimaru looked up for the first time since Ed had stepped into the room.

"Benimaru, if you need money, all you had to do was ask. I'll pay." Ash spoke up.

"No, I already paid him. He doesn't need more." Benimaru looked at Ash. Ash looked into Benimaru's blue orbs for a moment, and noticed sadness...shamefulness inside them.

"Well, I'm afraid you'll have to pay more now that he's here." Ed stood at the doorway, watching both of them from a distance.

"You can't do this." Benimaru protested.

"Can I not? I own this. And if he's going to stay here, I'd suggest that you cough up some more money." Ed held out his hand, his hands burning for money.

"I'll get you the money later, just wait." Benimaru watched helplessly as a tear fell from his face, and onto the ground.

"What ever you say, Nikaido. I want that money by today." Ed opened the door, and walked out. Ash stood there, wondering what had happened. (Why is he crying?)

"Come on." Benimaru headed out the door, and Ash followed him silently. He dared not to ask any questions...he knew it wasn't any of his business.

On the bus, heading to their destination, Benimaru kept thinking about himself...about everything. (I've gotta get her back...no matter what...)

"We're here." Ash's voice suddenly interrupted his thoughts. Benimaru realized that they were already at this so-called place...where he could sing, and get money. It certainly seemed easier..but was it worth it? Could he sing well enough to please the people he would play in front of? Would they even give him any money? All these thoughts ran through Benimaru's head as they headed out of the bus, and into the building. Benimaru saw that there was a stage, and a lot of seats. (How does Ash know about this place if he was new here?) Benimaru wondered as Ash led the way inside, to where Benimaru was suppose to 'register' for sometime tonight.

"Hello there." A man smiled at them, pushing up his glasses to get a better view.

"Bonjour. My friend would like to sign up to sing...tonight." Ash smiled slightly. The man looked toward Benimaru, then smiled once more.

"All right, then. Tonight is only with vocals. No instruments of any kind, just the voices...you get two songs to sing. That gives you two more chances to win the prize money. Though people do throw out money onto the stage-that always counts." The man explained, giving him a clipboard. "Sign your name."

"Um, okay..." He signed it, then gave it back. Benimaru felt nervous.

"Well, we can wait here until the hour to start comes...which is at 8:00PM. In the meanwhile, why don't we go somewhere to eat?" Ash questioned.

"Yea, let's go." Benimaru managed through the already forming knots in his throat. Why was he so nervous all of the sudden? (This can't be as nerve-wrecking as sleeping with someone...) Benimaru thought, biting his lip slightly as they headed out, walking in the cold. Benimaru shivered as the cold air bit his face bitterly.

"So...what do you plan to sing tonight?" Ash asked as the walked, not even knowing where they'd end up eating at..just somewhere.

"I don't know yet...whatever is on my mind at the time, I guess..." Benimaru replied.

(_Anger, frustration, helplessness, suicide..._)

"I'm sure it'll go well...I know you'll win." Ash reassured him.

"Thanks...so, where are we gonna eat?" He smiled, looking at Ash.

"Whatever's closest from here. I don't want to keep walking out here in the cold any longer." Ash admitted.

"All right, then. Let's go to..." Benimaru trailed off, looking around. "This one." He pointed out to the restaurant on the other side of the road. It was a thai food restaurant.

"Bon...let's go." Ash agreed. They crossed the street, in search for what could be temporary relief...from this life.

LPLPLP

At the small club...8:43PM...

Benimaru awaited nervously for his turn...almost all of the people had gone, and in just a few minutes, it was going to be his turn. (Just relax...try to think of a song...) Benimaru released a nervous breath, and breathed in deeply.

"Okay, now next up is Benimaru Nikaido!" He suddenly heard this, and looked up quickly. It was that man, announcing his name...it was his turn.

"Go for it." Ash nudged him slightly, giving him a reasuring smile. Benimaru only nodded, then headed up onto the stage, and up to the mircophone. Clearing his throat, he began to sing softly.

"_I'm a whore, and I'm feeling sorry for myself_." He took a quick breath before going on. "_In your arms, I am drowning, like the child I was_." He stopped, as if going along with the music that no one else but he could hear. He stepped up to the microphone once more, gripping it tighter than before, and raised his voice, almost screaming. "_I need more, can you help me? Feed my sins, come and kill me! It's calling! Calling! Calling! Calling!...Me_." Once again, he waited some more, easing his grip on the mircophone, and tapping his feet to the rythm for a few seconds. "_Endless skies, falling freely, down upon my head. So much for hopeless dreaming, frustration settles in_." Gripping it again, he began with the chorus once more. "_I need more, can you help me? Feed my sins, come and kill me! It's calling! Calling! Calling! Calling!...Meyea,yea,yea,yea_!" He ended it, dropping the microphone like he always did...it always ended up slipping out of his hands. He almost began to break down, when realized where he was. He looked up, noticing everyone's stare...everyone's look was of shock. A sudden applause erupted inside the club.

"Yea! Go on, man!" A teenager in the front cheered. Benimaru only smiled slightly...realizing that maybe...he could make it through.

"_Is your faith a bird in darkness?" _He began once more, this time changing his voice to a more relaxing one. "_Broken glass. A moments note. Flash of lights strobes ages...End will lie? The windows broke_." He looked at the crowd for the first time, then began to sing once more. "_We're destroyed by you...Blue storms that roolll_." He awaited for the music that no one else could hear, then continued. "..._Step outside, kissing rain fall...Tasting like blue and gold. Splash of light, sends you airborne. Crashing out, and catching on_." He began to rise his voice slightly. "_Tear drop eyes soak the pavemeent. Let it fall, let it faall! Charcoal blue city is swimming in petalllls. All are believing none are alarmed!" _He looked down, gripping the microphone, relaxed. "_Destroyed by...The blue storms that rooll_." For what seemed another minute, he began to sing once more...and everyone seemed to hear the music. The rise in the song began. "_Let it fall...We just let it fall...let it fall, in the landslide. In the landslide, in the land slide, in the land slide..." _The song seemed to be ending, and Benimaru's voice seemed to go lower. "_Destroyed by...Destroyed by..." _Then everyone knew it was over. They began to clap once more. Benimaru withdrew a weak smile from his face. It had been as if the singing had tired him out completely...all the emotion he had put into it...it was just too much to take. He just about collapsed on the floor, but Ash caught him, leading him to a table nearby. He realized that people from the stage were picking up money from the stage...he never noticed that they had thrown any toward him.

"You were great." Ash complemented, giving him a glass of water to drink. "I was mezmorized."

"I guess I was, huh?" Benimaru managed another weak smile before taking a drink of the fresh water.

"Now, we will announce our winner!" The man announced. Everyone cheered. "The winner is..." He gave a dramatic pause. "Benimaru Nikaido!" Benimaru was shocked at his name being mentioned...he had actually won the money...He heard Ash's voice, calling his name...

After seeing nothing but darkness, Benimaru awoke, surprised that he was even at the apartment house, with Ash looking at him with a worried look on his face.

"Better now?" Ash asked, smiling a bit.

"Yea...I guess." Benimaru rubbed his head. Ash held out to him a big wad of money.

"Here's what you won from the stage...and here's the check for $400 dollars." Ash handed it to him, a small smirk on his face.

"Kami...how did I ever win that?" Benimaru laughed slightly.

"You have a way with lyrics...and the emotion, that is why." Ash responded for him. "The doctor says you blacked out from the lack of food...and stresses." Ash added. Benimaru frowned. There had even been a doctor come inspect him? He groaned, shaking his head.

"I know, I know..." He sighed slowly, giving Ash the money he had gotten on the stage. "Take it...this is my thanks." Benimaru smiled. Ash smiled back slightly, then got up from the bed.

"Well, bonnuit, Benimaru-kun...I have to go wash my face...but I'll expect you to go to sleep." Ash said before going into the restroom. Benimaru only smiled, and looked at the clock. It read 3:54AM. He smiled slightly...he could manage.

LPLPLP

Okay! Sorry for the lack of update for this fic...but erhm, yea...anyway, please review, and tell me what you thought! Later, peace:D


	6. Endless Pain

Okay! Update! This HAS to be a miracle. lol Anyway, thanks to _The Faceless Void _for reviewing! You think Ash and Beni are getting 'closer'? Hahaha, we'll see about that...about if this is gonna stay non-yaoi...well, Beni IS freakin' making money kinda like that way...but still! We'll see what happens! Liked tha lyrics, eh? Hehehe, those ARE actual songs. lol Awesome! Please read and review!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the SNK characters I use to make this fic...

Warnings: _Almost_ goes into whoreness stuff. lol Well, its not like you haven't read it in the previous chapters, but yea...

Chapter 6: Endless pain

Benimaru awoke to a start. (_Ed...the money_) His eyes widened. He sat up quickly, looking around.

"Something wrong?" He heard a voice beside him.

"No, nothing's wrong." Benimaru lay back down slowly, wondering if he still had to pay. (_Of course I have to pay...) _Benimaru thought, letting out a big sigh.

"You're worried about the bill, am I right?" Ash suddenly spoke. "Don't worry, I paid him what he said he wanted." He added. Benimaru turned around in the bed to look at him.

"You what?"

"I gave him what he wanted..." Ash sat up slightly.

"What did he want?" Benimaru feared that Ed had taken advantage of him.

"Money. He wanted $60.00." Ash responded. Benimaru relaxed a little.

"Was that all?" Benimaru murmured.

"Uh, huh." Ash replied, getting up slowly. "I'm going to take a shower." He yawned, taking his bag of clothes with him. Benimaru watched him as he left to the bathroom. He closed his eyes slowly. He was tired...tired of life.

LPLPLP

Later on that day...

"You still need more..." A man pushed up his glasses, looking up at the blonde after counting the money.

"What?" Benimaru stood up, heading over to the table with money.

"More. Money." He smirked.

"You said $4,000. That's what I gave you." Benimaru looked at the man, tears threatening to come out.

"But I need more...you know how it is...they're asking for more money...and besides, you still have to pay for the college dues this month...besides that...I don't think anyone with a right mind would want to stay with you...a whore...Kami knows what else you do."" The man replied. Benimaru brought his fist down onto the table, startling the man. He ignored the last sentence...for he knew it was true.

"You can't do this..." Benimaru closed his eyes tightly. When? When was this all going to be over?

"I need $2,000 more...and that's not including the college dues. I guess you're going to have to earn more money...the way all you whores do it." The man shoved the money into the bag, a small smile on his face. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go place this in a safe place." He brushed past Benimaru, and out the door, leaving Benimaru standing there...with nothing but $10 dollars in his pocket...just enough for dinner.

LPLPLP

Back at the apartment...

"Are you sure you don't want me to accompany you, Benimaru?" The French man asked, awaiting Benimaru's reply.

"Nah, I'll be fine..." Benimaru trailed off for a moment. "Ash?" Ash looked up from the book he was currently reading. "If...if you want, there's some frozen pizza you can cook." Benimaru had his hand on the door knob, but he didn't want to leave...not for that again.

"I know...be careful to where ever it is you're going." Ash picked up his glasses from the table nearby, and slipped them on.

"Yea, I will. I'll see you." Benimaru opened the door, heading out into the night...full of sin just waiting for him to consume.

Arriving at the address the man instructed him to over the cell phone, Benimaru stood at the doorsteps, wondering if it was really worth it or not. He rang the doorbell, shoving his hands inside his pockets once more. It was freezing outside. (_Kami knows how low it is right now...) _Benimaru thought as he shivered uncontrollably for a moment. He heard a dog barking from the other house, but nothing from the house. He realized that there was a note on the door. To his surprise, it was to him. He read it aloud to himself.

"Come on in. I'm in the third room up the stairs to the right waiting for you." Benimaru felt sick, like he always did. He had been getting used to not going to these appointments...now that he knew he had to get more...he had to. He opened the door, heading inside the amazingly big house. Heading up the stairs, going toward the room he had addressed him to in the note. (_There's still time...still time to go back...and search for some other way to do this...) _Benimaru thought as he placed his trembling hand on the door knob. But automatically, he turned it. The door opened to reveal candles-everything you could imagine romantic inside the room...and a man, who was surprisingly young, sitting on the bed, waiting for him. The man got up to greet him in just his tight underwear. He felt him.

"You didn't find a ride, did you? You poor thing. I told you that I could pick you up." The man took his body, and wrapped it around Benimaru's for some warmth. Benimaru didn't say anything, just shivered. He felt cold all over.

"Why don't we reschedule this for tomorrow?" The man saw how badly he was shaking.

"No, no...I can manage. Let's just do it." Benimaru startled the man.

"Oh...okay, then." The man cleared his throat, then dug out some money from his wallet. He gave it to Benimaru, who slipped it in his back pocket, quickly unzipping his thin jacket. _(Get this over with...) _Benimaru thought as he felt the man come near him...slowly taking over...

LPLPLP

Later on...

Benimaru finally gave in as the man convinced him to take him 'home' in his car.

"Here." Benimaru said suddenly. The man frowned. (_Yes, I live in this shitty apartment...) _Benimaru thought as he saw the look on the man's face.

"You live here? A young man like you should live somewhere that's better..." The man unlocked the doors so that Benimaru could get out.

"Thanks for the ride." Benimaru said, then closed the door. (_Yea...the ride into hell...) _Benimaru thought as he reached the apartment entrance, checking his pockets for the money he had slipped inside his back pocket. He opened the door while counting his money. (_Only $650...) _Benimaru quickly shoved them into his pocket once more. He felt...sticky.

"Ugh..." The more Benimaru thought about what had just happened, the more he thought about being...sticky. He opened the door, surprised to see Ash still on the couch. He was no longer reading a book...but rather, just watching TV. Something Benimaru hadn't done in a while. Ash looked up at him, and smiled.

"Ah, bon nuit(T: _Good night_), Benimaru. Finally finished?" He smiled slightly. Benimaru swore that Ash knew what he had been doing...that he could read his mind.

"Yea...finally finished...look, I'm gonna take a shower." (_I feel dirty...) _Benimaru thought.

"Oh, d'accord."(T: _Okay_) Benimaru frowned, as he didn't know any French. He quickly sorted out some clothes, and took them to the bathroom. He quickly stripped his clothes off, shivering as he suddenly felt arms all over him. (_Damn...) _Benimaru cursed, trying to shake the feeling off him. All this week, he had other appointments...he had a feeling that something was going to go terribly wrong that week...

LPLPLP

All right! Please review, and tell me what you thought! It's finally gettin' somewhere. Wonder what Ash has to do with all this? And what that man with the glasses has to do with it all...:D


	7. Addictions and consequences

Let's get this started...I got into some writing rage late at night...well, more like at 3:00 AM, but yea...I feel like this is goin' where I want it to go...hopefully. Longer chapter than usual. This should keep ya entertained! Anyway, thanks to the only person who's been reviewing...you know who you are! ... ;) Keep changin' your name...hahaha, I don't feel like looking it up right now...have this headache from sleeping too much. lol Anyway, onto the fic...I think I might reveal some more to this fic...hehehe. Read on to find out!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the SNK characters I use in my fics...I don't see why I have to write this...(Grumbles)

Chapter 7: Addictions and consequences...

"I'll go get some stuff for the fridge. It might take me a while." Benimaru said as he grabbed his jacket along the way.

"That's fine...take as long as you want..." Ash seemed impatient. Benimaru seemed puzzled as to why he was so impatient for him to leave...

"Right." Benimaru smiled, then opened the door. "See ya."

"A bientot."(T: _See you soon_) Ash waved him off. Benimaru headed out, going to the store with some of the money he had earned the other night. Their refrigerator was empty-they didn't even have vegetables that they didn't like left over inside the refrigerator. He was going walking, so he knew it would take him at least a few hours...and besides...he had yet, another appointment...that would give even more time.

LPLPLP

Meanwhile, Ash locked the door. Securing it, he sighed, leaning against the wall. His hands shook as he opened his bag. He took out a small container, clutching it tightly. (_This...this is it...) _Ash thought as he took out a needle, and placed it on the container. Raising up his sleeve, he searched for the vein. (_Merdi_...(T: _Shit_)) He cursed mentally as he soon saw that he would have to tighten a rubber band, on his arm to reveal veins. He quickly tightened one, tapping at his hand. He was getting desperate.

"Venez sur... la hâte vers le haut!"(T: _Come on...hurry up!) _He whispered harshly. He realized that he hadn't done it in a while...hadn't taken it. (_Just this once...then I won't do it again...) _He let out a shaky breath as he saw the vein. (_Dieu... vous remercient_...(T: _God...thank you) _He lowered the needle, waiting for the pain to consume his thoughts...then the pleasure. It sank in, and it gave off what he needed. Closing his eyes...he relaxed, and smiled...He was finally free...

LPLPLP

At the grocery store, Benimaru had gathered a lot of food, patiently waiting to pay for them in line after a long search for some French food for Ash.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Benimaru heard a voice behind him. It was Kyo, accompanied by Yuki, who as always, was clung to him like if her life depended on him.

"Oh, hey Kyo. Nothin' just shopping for some food. What about you?" Benimaru asked, scooting up in line as a family of five finally left with their food. Though, he still had two more people in front of him.

"Ask her. Hahaha, she wanted some whipped cream for tonight." Kyo smiled mischievously, while Yuki elbowed him slightly. Benimaru shook his head.

"I hope you two have some fun." Benimaru laughed slightly.

"So, how is it with your 'room mate', eh?" Kyo emphasized the word 'room mate'.

"I dunno, it's great I guess. Now I actually have someone to talk to." Benimaru replied with a slight sigh.

"He's French, right?" Kyo asked.

"Yea...we're not so different, though..." Benimaru trailed off.

"You're not, eh? What, did you two do something already?" Kyo burst out laughing.

"Shut up! I'm not that way." Benimaru replied, punching Kyo on the shoulder. He was beginning to doubt if he was...

"Sure, whatever you say." Kyo turned a bit serious. "Well, we have to get going. See you." Kyo and Yuki headed off.

"Yea, tell me how your night goes!" Benimaru laughed slightly as he saw Kyo give him the finger. He shook his head.

"Ready, sir?" The girl's voice at the register interrupted him.

"Oh, right. Sorry." Benimaru moved up, and began to put his food on the register to pay for it. He began to search for his wallet.

"That's okay." She replied. Benimaru suddenly looked up at her for the first time. (_She looks...like her...) _Benimaru almost dropped his wallet as he realized how close in resemblance she was...

"Sir, it's going to be $48 dollars, and 68 cents." She interrupted him, waving her hand in front of his face. He realized that she had been talking to him for a while now.

"Oh, sorry." Benimaru quickly gave her a $50 dollar bill, looking away from her. (_I can't let her distract me...this is just my imagination...) _Benimaru thought.

"Here's your change, and have a nice day." She gave him his change. He took it, and gathered the food inside the cart once more. (_I wonder if I can carry all of this home before I go there...nah, can't...he's probably already waiting for me in the parking lot..._) Benimaru thought, carrying the cart outside. The cold air hit him in the face. _(Damn...I knew I should've bought me another jacket) _Benimaru thought bitterly, trying to cover up his arms a bit more. He heard someone honk, startling him from behind. He hated it when people did that. He saw a man at the wheel, signaling him to come near him. Benimaru hesitated for a minute, but then bought his shivering body, along with the cart of food over to where the man had opened the driver's side window to talk to him.

"Are you the one?" He smirked, arching an eyebrow slightly.

"What are you talking about?" Benimaru asked.

"You know what it is, baby. I know how you whores look like." The man smirked. Benimaru looked down. Did he really look _that_ available? Did he really look as if he would sell himself? He probably did. He nodded slightly, not sure if the man could even see that movement.

"Get in, I'll put those groceries in the trunk for ya." The man put the car in Park, then got out to put the groceries in the back. Benimaru opened the door, and got in, still shivering madly from the coldness outside. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get his teeth to stop chattering. He was sweating with cold sweat...but he had to get the job done. (_These rich men will pay me...I can stand it...) _Benimaru thought, leaning back into the cushioned seat. His whole body shook...he wanted to go home.

LPLPLP

Meanwhile...

Ash couldn't stop shivering. Cold sweat ran down his face. The effects had taken a clear stance. He held his hand tightly. It throbbed with pain. (_Why? Why is this happening? It's never happened before..._) He managed to think. His head was clouded. He couldn't even stand. He lay there, against the wall. For sure, he wouldn't be able to open the door for Benimaru whenever he got back. He felt sick. He needed air. But how? He spotted the window nearby. With ragged breaths, he stood up, going over to the window. He tried opening it, but it was no use. He felt too weak. He bent over, and the next thing he knew was that there was red all over the floor. The substance was thick, slimy. He wiped some of it that was dripping down from his mouth with shaking hands. He realized that it was blood...

LPLPLP

Benimaru was still crying softly. The man had stopped what he had been doing. Benimaru just couldn't stop crying. It was after a 'few' drinks that they had began the 'process' that they were going to do, but the alcohol seemed to make it worse. The shivering was still the same, and the cries...the man felt sorry for the poor teenager.

"Kaylee...come back..."(AN: Wonder who Kaylee is? O.o) The helpless teenager cried out now. The once soft crying had turned into screaming. "Agh! Kami, please!" The blonde was curled up on the bed, naked, still shivering.

"Hey, snap out of this." The man tried to make him stop, but it only made it worse.

"No! Don't touch me, you bastard...you...bastard..." Benimaru's voiced faded away slowly with each word. The man sighed, slipping on some clothes.

"_Don't send me away..." _The blonde mumbled while the man began the task of putting on his clothes. _"Come with the song in the air..." _

"Come on." The man lifted him, up, they headed out the door.

_"Bring...your life and your love..." _The blonde continued. _"...Show that sparkles last...Drag on...away..." _The man helped him inside the car. He hoped that he could get him home. He had told him before everything that he lived at the Tosco apartments. _"Maybe you're the same...without me...maybe you're the same...with out me..." _He finished off, nearly asleep. But he was still shivering. The man sighed, going to the driver's side. Turning on the car, he headed to the Tosco apartments.

Once there, he picked up Benimaru, swinging one of the blonde's arms around his neck.

"Come on, walk." The man urged. Even though he could carry the almost weightless blonde, he preferred not to. The blonde mumbled something incoherent, but began to walk slightly. Mostly, he dragged his feet. They reached the entrance. Someone was there, looking at him with a look on his face. He was shaking his head, chuckling slightly.

"I knew it..." The man heard the other one say, while he walked over to him.

"Do you know what room he's staying in?" He asked the man.

"Yeah...room 234." The man answered. "It's on the second floor." He added before he headed off, leaving him there with the drunk blonde. He cursed, heading over to the elevators.

"Where...where are you taking me...?" Benimaru slurred.

"To your room, where else?" The man grumbled.

"Y-you wanna meet my friend? He's French..." Benimaru slurred once more. The man ignored him. They arrived at the second floor. The man searched for the room. (_Where is that damn room?) _He thought angrily. After looking some more, he finally spotted it. He tried the door knob. It seemed locked.

"Damn..." He cursed under his breath, letting the blonde down on the floor slowly. He tried it again. It wouldn't budge. He tried knocking, but no one answered. He looked around. The door seemed breakable. (_Fuck it_) He kicked the door. It opened with slam into the wall. Benimaru was passed out at the time. So he dragged him inside. He gasped, letting the blonde down on the floor slowly once more...blood, foam coming out of the mouth...and the shivering body on the ground. (_They're crazy...I'm outta here_) He ran out, forgetting about the elevator-he wanted out. That's all he knew.

"Hey, where you going in such a rush?" Ed stopped him as he was opening the door. The man stopped at the door slightly.

"You go see for yourself. Your guests...they need help. Big time." The man headed out. Ed grumbled, going up the stairs to have a look. He saw the door open. It was broken.

"That son of a-" He stopped short as he saw it. The blood...the shivering from both of them. "Holy..." He took the phone, dialing the emergency number.

"Tokyo emergency?" A woman responded on the other side.

"I need help...and quick."

LPLPLP

After having called the ambulance, they took both Benimaru and Ash. It turned out that Benimaru was intoxicated, and had an alarming high fever...but Ash, on the other hand, had almost died due to something he injected himself with. Not all of what he thought it was had been in the drug. Now they inserted IV into his veins.

Benimaru awoke slowly, the almost blinding light from the windows enabled him to see.

"Beni? Beni, are you okay?" He heard a familiar, but distant voice. His vision was blurry, but after a while, it focused. He realized that it was Kyo there.

"Kyo?" He looked around, finally realizing where he was. (_A hospital...) _Benimaru sat up slightly. He couldn't stand the light. The hangover effects were too much for his weak body. Kyo realized this, heading over to the window to close the blinds.

"What..." He trailed off, rubbing his throbbing head. "What happened?" He finally asked.

"I don't know...you were drunk...and you had this dangerously high fever."

"Kami..."Benimaru sank into the bed once more, he was feeling a bit queasy. He managed to swallow some saliva before speaking. "Where's Ash?" He asked. Kyo stopped cold. Could he tell him? Benimaru knew that look.

"What? What happened to him?" Benimaru asked immediately, sitting up in the bed once more. This time, his head spun. He had gotten up too fast.

"He...he's okay now, I guess." Kyo responded, not knowing exactly how to tell him.

"What happened to him? For Kami's sake..." Benimaru trailed off. Now he really needed a trash can. He felt sick all over...just like when he was about start one of his 'appointments'. Kyo noticed this. Grabbing the trash can for Benimaru could throw up in. The next thing Benimaru knew was that the trash can reeked of throw up. He wiped his mouth, feeling weak again.

"He...he was using some kind of drug while you were away..." Kyo responded. Benimaru looked up, shocked.

"He what?"

"He was using some drug. Almost died from it...but they've got it under control now." Kyo added in. Benimaru looked away from him. (_That's why he was so impatient...) _Benimaru thought.

"I want to go see him." Benimaru said suddenly. Kyo saw how Benimaru's face got paler by the minute.

"No, you can't. Not in your condition right now." Kyo responded, holding Benimaru down onto the bed.

"Kyo, I've gotta see him-"

"No, no one's allowed to visit him." Kyo didn't struggle much to keep his friend down. He was still too weak to fight back properly. After a while, he gave up, throwing up some more. The room smelled of vomit. Though the only thing Benimaru could feel was pain...a sick over-whelming pain inside of him...

"I have to go back to work...I'll see you later." Kyo finally left. Benimaru assumed that it was the smell that drove him away...but now was his chance...he had to see him.

LPLPLP

Okay! So, what'd you think of that chapter? Kinda revealed some more stuff to this mysterious fic...anyway, please review! Laters, peace!


	8. Using Force

Hopefully, eh? I wonder how much longer it IS going to stay straight? Hahaha, well, hopefully, I can make this the way I wanted it in the first place...before it changed up a bit. Thanks to the people who read this...if there are any besides...well, besides the other people... Anyway, enjoy the chapter...please read and review!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters I use...except for the people who are Benimaru's 'customers'. (Evil smirk)

Chapter 8: Using Force...

Benimaru's POV

How did I not know about this? About him using drugs...whatever drug that was...

I finally decide to sneak out a day later, despite me wearing nothing but hospital clothing. Holding the part from the bottom(_So that they won't see my ass_), I walk to the room where, this time, I actually charmed a nurse...to get me his room number. Though, she didn't want to give me my clothes, so I was forced to go out with this on. Stopping at his room, I attempt to see inside. I see that he's asleep. I look around, and hear voices from a hall. Better hurry. I quickly head inside, nearing at his bed. His face seems pale...like mine isn't either. I haven't even looked at myself yet...Why the hell do they always have to keep these hospital rooms so cold all the time? I shiver, sitting down in the chair closest to the bed. I study him, his face...almost lifeless...Kami, how did I let him do this to himself? If I never would've left for food, this wouldn't have happened...speaking of which, I think that damn bastard kept whenever he dropped me off...I don't remember anything from last night...just the pain...and the memories...and how much I need to get some money...now how am I going to do it if I'll have to pay a hospital bill for the both of us? My head begins to hurt as I think about how much more money I still need...and college classes...we're going to miss the reviews for the final exams in two months. I suddenly hear the door open.

"Mr. Nikaido...I want to let you know that you're free to go. Your clothes are awaiting you in your room." The doctor smiles slightly. How did he know I was in here?

"Um, okay..." I get up, holding that damn part from the back. I feel that people can see my ass, no matter if I try to cover it. I follow him to the room, where I go inside the bathroom to change into some spare clothes Kyo, I suppose bought for me. My other clothes probably smell of vomit...or something. I head out, realizing that the doctor is still there, wanting to talk to me, I suppose.

"Mr. Nikaido...I want you to know that your friend will receive some treatment...and hopefully, will regain consciousness normally. We provide help for these drug users...but it will cost money. I am concerned about this, Mr. Nikaido...so, that is why we will provide this free." The doctor finished. "Since you two are in college, and I know how hard it is to earn money in this part of town." He extends his hand...I suppose he wants me to shake it, as if some kind of agreement...or pact. I shake it, looking at him with a smile...a real one.

"Thank you, doctor...thank you."

XDXDXD

Weeks later...

Ash's POV

As the doctor says...I am slowly getting back on my feet...but its hard for me now...my body doesn't respond the way it used to. I get these horrible pains whenever I don't take medication provided by the hospital...but then again, Benimaru is always there to support me. I am beginning to think if he notices anything at all...if he's ashamed of having to take care of me as if I'm some helpless child. I look at my arm, scarred from the needles...something I never really noticed before...remembering previous pleasures...on that drug. I am trying to get over it as we speak...but I cannot do it from a day to the next. I look up as I hear the door open. I see Benimaru there, with a plastic bag in his left hand. He smiles, taking off his coat.

"Ah, bonjour, Benimaru...how was college class?" I ask, managing a weak smile.

"Same old, same old...the professors are coming down hard on us for those tests. Hahaha, I barely have time to buy food." He replied, laughing slightly. "Anyway, I came by to bring you some clothes." He hands me the bag.

"Merci(T: _Thank you_), Benimaru..." I thank him, taking the bag weakly.

"You feeling any better?" I hear him say, now serious.

"Juste un peau." I respond. He frowns. I suppose I better start giving translations from now on. "Just a little." I add in, but feel weak. As if just talking is draining the energy from my body. I notice a bruise on his left eye. I'm beginning to wonder what he does whenever he goes out...

"Oh..." He turns away from me, as if trying to avoid my eyes...or trying to avoid being seen with that bruise on his face. We stay quiet for a while. I'm relaxed on the bed, my eyes closing on their own from the lack of sleep at nights.

"Now that I remember...I've never heard you sing..." Benimaru interrupts the silence. I am suddenly wide awake. I look at him, he has a small smile on his face.

"Well...I do not know if I can anymore..." I look down, trying to hide this blush creeping up my face...although, I don't see how you can through all the paleness of my face.

"Sure you can...you can show me after you get out of this place." He smiles once more, handing me my reading glasses.

"Thank you...I guess I will." I manage another weak smile.

"Well, I better leave you...I've gotta go." He winks at me, then leaves...I feel lonely again. I'm tired of laying on this bed...here with pain surrounding me.

XDXDXD

Normal POV

"No shit. You're late again!" A man slapped the blonde across the face, sending him back onto the bed.

"I told you...I had to leave some clothes for my friend at the hospital." Benimaru held his burning cheek, trying to hold back the tears.

"I'm paying you more than you could ever make with all those other bastards out there, and you don't even show up early for it?" The man took hold of Benimaru's arm, roughly throwing him to the other side of the room.

"P-please, stop!" Benimaru hit the wall. His head hurt. He swore he could see stars around his head as he tried to get up. He saw it coming, but couldn't dodge it in time. His face went numb for a moment, then the pain, and red gushing out of his nose, and onto the ground. He was lifted up by his shirt, and pressed up against the wall.

"Now I'm going to make sure you never want to be late again." The man smirked, taking out a cloth. He neared it to the blonde's face, who winced as the cloth contacted with his face slightly. Wiping off the flowing blood, the man held his hands above his head with his other arm.

"You're so beautiful...yet so fragile." The man murmured, then brought his leg up in-between the blonde's legs swiftly. It contacted right where he wanted it to. He let the blonde fall to the ground, who was gasping at the sheer pain from the kick he had just received. (AN: Oooh...that MUST hurt! . )

"Argh!" He held his groin in pain while the man just smirked, chuckling a little.

"You better be lucky I have to go else where now...until then, I'd suggest you be ready for the next time." The man threw a couple of wadded-up bills at him on the floor, then left. Benimaru was still on the ground, crying out softly in pain. No, he didn't hurt him as much...not like last time. He wondered if he could keep up with this. Gathering the money the man left on the ground, which was now bloodied, he walked off the best he could. (Picking up the money like a dying whore...) Benimaru thought bitterly as he reached the apartment room. There, he could relax...but only for a little while...just until tomorrow where the real work began...

XDXDXD

The next day...

After college classes, Benimaru decided not to visit Ash...he knew he wouldn't make it in time. So he decided to call.

"Allo?" Ash answered, a bit confused.

"Um, hey Ash, is that you?"

"Oui...is it you, Benimaru?" Ash asked, a slight spark of enlightment flew into his voice.

"Yea, it's me...listen, I won't be able to go today...I have something to do...is that all right?" Benimaru asked.

"That's all right...I know how things get..." Ash's voice now seemed a bit disappointed. He wanted someone to visit him at the hospital...it was getting rather boring.

"Yea...so, how are you?" Benimaru asked. Ash laughed weakly over the phone.

"You asked me that yesterday..."

"Sorry, just that..." Benimaru trailed off. "That I miss you, you know...having someone to talk to..." (AN: No, not THAT way..maybe.(Evil smirk))Benimaru responded, sitting at the table. He was playing with his plate of food, wondering if he would even have time to eat it.

"Well, I'd like to say the same thing...I would have liked it if you came over to visit...mais(T:_ But_), just over the phone is just as well." Ash managed to say. He was surprised that he didn't feel as weak as yesterday.

"Yea, I guess you're right...Hey, you know what?" Benimaru suddenly remembered.

"What?"

"Oh, right...it's a surprise." Benimaru laughed.

"What? What surprise?" Ash asked, a small smile formed on his lips for the first time in weeks.

"I can't tell you...then it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it? Aren't I right?" Ash swore he could see a smirk on Benimaru's face as he heard him over the phone.

"I guess so..." Ash trailed off. Benimaru laughed in the background while Ash trailed the design from his shirt with his finger.

"Aren't I always?" Benimaru responded.

"Hmm, are you?" Ash raised an eyebrow, but knew Benimaru couldn't see it.

"Of course." Benimaru sighed over the phone, almost as if in regret of something. "Well, I have to get going. I'll try and drop by tomorrow, all right?"

"Well, there's no need for you to...but of course, I'll see you." Ash sighed. The conversation was over already.

"No, I'll come over tomorrow, all right? Bye. I'll see you." Benimaru yawned slightly.

"Salute, Benimaru."

"Okay, bye."

"Tchao." Ash hung up the phone, wishing that he hadn't...

XDXDXD

Meanwhile, Benimaru quickly ate his food, and checked his watch. Maybe, this time, he'd actually make it...

Once there, the man actually greeted him with a smile...but all Benimaru knew was that today was the last day...or, maybe he didn't have to do anything at all? He had a plan...he just hoped that it'd work.

Moments later...

"Come back here you bastard!" The man yelled while Benimaru walked out, laughing. He didn't even have to take anything off. Counting the money along the way, he assured himself that he would never see the man again, anyway. _($1,230...Stealing can be fun...) _He thought as he got onto the bus that would take him home.

Once at the apartment room, he set his jacket aside, sighing in relief. The telephone startled him.

"Who could be calling me at this hour?" He murmured to himself. Of course, it was barely 8:24 PM. This was late for him. He picked it up, resting his hand on the counter.

"Hey, Beni. Are you busy?" It was Kyo. It sounded like he was in his car.

"Um, no. I'm free tonight." He smirked.

"That's awesome. Hey, you wanna go to this party?"

"Yea, of course. I'll get ready. See you soon."

"All right. I'm heading over there right now." Kyo hung up. Benimaru did the same, then headed over to his closet. After all...this was his night out...no worries...just pure fun.

XDXDXD

Okay...hopefully, this won't turn out to be yaoi...maybe. lol Anyway, tell me what you though...please review! Laters!


	9. Turning Points?

An update...let's get this thing started! lol PLEASE...read and review...that's all I'm asking for...as for those who have given me support, and stuff...you ROCK! XD

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the (SNK) characters I used in this fic...well, except for this one person I made...you'll find out. And shock-this time, its not some perverted dude...lol

Warnings: Nothing really un-expectable at a party...hehehe. No real lemon, so don't flame me or anything...

Chapter 9: Turning Points...?

Benimaru's POV

I open the door from my bedroom moments later after I'm actually done with the process of shaving really well-and of course, having the right clothing in order to make a good impression. I try to do a few more adjustments on my hair. I decide to leave it down...once again. Though, the frizz is really getting to me. I can easily take care of that. I apply some oil to help keep the frizz down-then I'm all set. I hear a sudden knock-funny, 'cause I've heard it about a dozen times before. I quickly head out of the room, going to open that damn door. I should have yelled for him to come in. I open it to an actually well-dressed Kyo. Which only happens when we go out partying...

"Hey, you ready?" He asks.

"What does it look like to you?" I smirk, then look around for Yuki.

"I think it looks just about right. Haven't seen you like this in a long time." He laughs slightly.

"So...where's Yuki?" I ask him just out of my curiosity. She's always on him like glue.

"Oh, tonight is our night." He winks.

"Oh really?" I look at him with a slight suspicion.

"Guys night out. Come on, lets roll." He begins to head downstairs.

"Kami, you're such a movies dude." I laugh at his latest comment.

"Hey, I'm cool. You can't beat that." He smiles. It's like we've switched places somehow. It feels...weird.

"Rrrrright." I follow him downstairs, with the night to engulf me in it's sinful bliss...

XDXDXD

Well, we're here at the party...I just hope I actually remember how to have fun. I guess Kyo sees the nervousness on my face.

"Chill out. It's just a bunch of hot girls waiting to get laid..." Kyo smirks.

"What about Yuki?" I question.

"Ah, she'll never know." Kyo opens the door, gesturing me inside.

"Uh huh." I reply before I go inside. The party looks well organized. With loads of liquor...and of course, hot girls. Though, I'm not so sure I'm in the mood for it...though, it should be a little different-wait, what am I thinking? This will _definitely_ be different. Because this time...they're girls, and not old perverted gay men. I burst out laughing a little. How in the hell could I be thinking about THAT at the moment...I'm here to enjoy myself. Or at least, that's what I plan to do.

"Well, who am I kidding? You'll probably attract all the men. Hahahaha." Kyo bursts out laughing, almost as if reading my mind. I swear, everyone I know freaks me out when that happens.

"Oh, right. So I might as well settle for you, then." I look at him for a brief moment. He stops laughing.

"That wasn't funny...you're not serious, are you?" Kyo looks at me with a serious look on his face.

"What?" I try to act casual.

"What you just said." Kyo just won't leave me alone.

"What if it is?" I ask. Making a comeback has never been easier...this time, I take it, and not let comments like that get to me. I look at him once more. He has a shocked look on his face.

"Calm down, Kyo. It's just a joke. If that was true, I would have had your ass a long time ago." I laugh at my own joke, though Kyo doesn't really appreciate it.

"Good...because...you were seriously starting to make me freak out." Kyo seems to be relieved. A strikingly beautiful woman walks by me-just in time.

"Gotta go." I head after her, leaving Kyo standing there. She stops right in front of the pool, sitting down in her seat. I smirk. She has on this extremely beautiful bikini on, and those curves...I clear my throat slightly. She looks back at me, then smiles. Whoa...I wasn't expecting that. I mean, me gawking all over her body, and that throat clearing making all of this possible...

"Hello there. Mind if I sit down?" I ask, quickly observing the seat next to her, which is completely empty. I'm beginning to think that it's all for my sake.

"No, of course not." She replies, picking up her Margarita from the ground. At least I think its one. I take a seat, making sure to make it as smooth as possible.

"So, are you from around here?" I ask, looking at her features...so delicate.

"No, actually, I'm from Tokyo." She smirks.

"Wait-so...ah, I get it...joke, right?" I look at her, a small sheepish smile on my face. I fall for it. Damn! She only giggles slightly, slapping my shoulder lightly.

"I'm sorry, I just had to do that. You men are so predictable. I've just heard that line so many times..." She trails off, sighing.

"Right." I look down from her stare.

"So, where are _you _from?" She points her finger into my chest slightly.

"Well, I'm actually from America...born and raised there...only, I decided to come back here..." I trail off as she sets her drink down slowly. I catch myself staring at that certain crack right in-between her breasts...yes, you guessed it. If I didn't know any better, I'd think she was doing this on purpose. And the fact that I am sounding like a real idiot here.

"Oh really? Which part did you come from?" She asks.

"Well, I really don't remember where...we moved around a lot...but the last place was in Denver, Colorado. Loads of snow there." I answer truthfully.

"I see...so, are you up for drinking tonight?" She smiles.

"Sure." I answer. She gestures someone over. She has her own waiter? I look at her in slight shock.

"What do you want? It's all on me, of course."

"Well, I don't know...a Martini, I guess..." I trail off.

"I'll get that for you, sir." He goes off, while I look back at her.

"Are you the one who's throwing this party?" I ask.

"If that's the way you want to put it..." She picks up her drink, then takes a small drink through the straw. "...then yes." She finishes.

"Birthday?" I ask.

"No...more like just a weekend party. I always have these." She replies.

"Here you go, sir." The waiter hands me my drink. I take it, and give my thanks with a small smile. I take a rather large drink, then look back at her. I realize that she isn't in her chair any more. I realize that she's standing right in front of me.

"Care to walk with me?" She smirks, gesturing me to get up. I get up, as though if moving in slow motion, and follow her. I realize that we're just walking along the pool, where everyone is splashing each other...having a good time.

"So, what's your name?" I ask.

"Yumi...what's yours?" She asks.

"Benimaru." I answer. My throat is actually clogged with nervousness.

"Well, Benimaru...care to take a swim?" She smirks. I look at her wide-eyed.

"W-wait-" Before I have any time to protest, I realize that I'm gasping for air. She suddenly appears in front of me from below the water. Its scary. I feel too heavy to stop her. By the time I realize it, she's kissing me into what seems like some type of kiss of death...no, a real kiss...We part, still trying to keep afloat.

"You're a good kisser, Benimaru..." She trails off once more to kiss me. For sure, this girl is no better than I am...

The next thing you know is that we're making out...we're in her 'private bedroom', and I'm almost completely unclothed. I part the kiss, I barely realize what's going on when remembering Kaylee...no, this...this is exactly what I've been dreading. I get up from the bed, even if my body hates me for doing this at this moment. I get my wet clothes from the floor, trying to put them on as fast as I can.

"What's wrong?" She asks.

"Nothing...I just can't do this." I finish the task of putting on my freezing shirt back on, and having to deal with this mess of hair.

"Why not? Are you a virgin?" She asks, almost mocking me. You know, it's a good thing I stopped this in time.

"Actually, no. I've been with more men than you have ever been with. So I'd suggest that you shut your mouth, AND your legs for once before you ruin your life." I reply firmly...whoa...that actually came out of my mouth? I go out, keeping in mind the shocked look on her face. Kami, I am so ready to go home. I head downstairs, where the whole racket of music goes back into my ears, and the shouting...the joy. I finally spot Kyo, making out with some girl that Kyo obviously wants to be dating instead of Yuki-but what's he got to do?

"Kyo, let's go." I break the girl away from him. She gasps, looking at me. I know, I'm a mess, my shirt buttons are probably not even buttoned right, and my hair...ugh, I don't even want to talk about it.

"How dare you do that, you stupid gay-" She looks about to slap me when Kyo interrupts her.

"No, no...he's just a friend...he's my buddy, right Benimaru?" Kyo is drunk, I realize. REALLY drunk.

"Yea, I guess. Now lets get out of this place." I help him up, searching for the keys to his car in his back pocket. Which makes me look like I'm trying to grab his ass at the moment.

"Let's go." I get him to walking.

"Don't worry ladies, I'll, I'll be back..." He trails off, trying to walk on his own. Kami, I'm glad I got the keys out of his pockets. We'd die for sure. I help him get inside the car, while he grumbles about how he was just beginning to enjoy himself. Yea, right. More like he was just finishing it. His pants are undone, and the white stains I suppose aren't some kind of mistake on his black jeans.

"...You know, what, Benimaru?" Kyo seems to slouch a bit more into the seat, leaning over onto the car door while I turn on the car, and head out of there. "...You, you just don't wanna have fun, do you?" He laughs for no reason.

"That's right...unlike you, I've grown up." I respond bitterly. He has it made easy for him...that's why.

XDXDXD

A few minutes later, he finally shuts up and goes to sleep, while I drive him to his house, and leave the car there. I'll just walk home...I start walking back to the apartment, thinking of all that happened...it wasn't at all what I had expected...it just gets worse. The more I think about it. Now I know...I'll never escape from this hell...

XDXDXD

Okay...finally an update! Yay! lol Anyway, hope you liked this chapter...hahaha...I had to put myself in Beni's place somehow...it just worked...I hope. Anyway...please review...PLEASE! Someone, anyone! XD


	10. Check Outs

Well...here's the next chapter...hope you guys like this...and of course, thanks bunches to _Silverquickstar_, and _Mogul Kahn_(thanks for helping me pick out name!) for reviewing...hehehe. Thanks! Onto the fic...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the SNK characters I use in these fics...

Chapter 10: Check outs

Benimaru's POV

After I got home last night, there it was...the pain, the memories...I only wish I could take it all back...turn back the time. I splash the cold, bitter water on my face, its morning. Sunday...with nothing else to do. Of course, I had almost forgotten about the exams...they're coming up really soon. Crap. I've gotta start concentrating on that more. I hear the phone ringing. It hurts my ears for some reason, even if the phone is one room away. Maybe its this migraine that I'm starting to get from the open curtains. The morning light is still too bright. I quickly head out of the bathroom, drying my face along the way with my shirt. I pick it up quickly.

"Hello?" I answer, almost out of breath. Don't you ever get that? Like if you've run a mile, only when you come to realize that you've only walked across the room? _Am I getting fat? _I ask myself out of no where.

"Hey, Beni...how'd I get home?" Its Kyo. He seems confused. And I'm pretty sure Yuki saw his state of being. Hehehe...he deserved it.

"I drove. Then, of course, I walked home. Why do you ask?" I smirk over the phone, though I know very well that he can't see it.

"Because...well, I got drunk...just wondering. Well, anyway did you have fun?" He asks.

"Yea, of course I did." I lie, adding some fake laugh, like everything's all right.

"That's good..." He trails off. There isn't really much to say today. I just want people to stop bothering me...maybe I'm being too anti-social today...I sigh, looking at the clock on the wall.

"It's noon. I should get going."

"Where are you going?" He asks.

"None of your business. Anyway, I'll see you later."

"All right. Later."

"Bye." I hang up the phone, letting out another heaving sigh. All of these problems...and I haven't even stopped by the park anymore...where _she_ is. I hurry up, and get dressed. I actually put my hair in a lazy pony tail...though, I really hate how I look this way. Can't blame me, though...I just look _way_ too feminine.

I head out the door, wondering if she even gets there at the same time anymore...maybe she will...I'll just have to find out. Kami, I swear I look like some psycho stalking people in the park. I sit at my usual spot, where I have a clear view of anyone that might be there. I decide to get up after a while, and head over to the swings. Which is the last thing she'll get to. I know her routine. She goes to the slides, then the monkey bars, then those animals you can ride...I don't know. I never actually got what the fun was out of those things. Man, I must really sound like a stalker now. _Am I really? _I begin to ask myself. I swing gently, watching the ground move beneath me slowly, with the thoughts of her still on my mind. Should I write her a letter? No, she's probably still too young to read it...It might start off like this:

_Dear little blonde girl,_

_I know you don't know me, and I don't know you...but I want you to know that..._

Nah. That sounds too cheesy. Even for a little kid to read. How stupid am I?

I suddenly hear giggling from a distance. I know it's her. I look up, and see her in front of me, a cheerful smile on her face. I just have to smile back.

"Hello there, mister!" She seems happy to see me.

"Why, hello there." I reply as she gets on a swing. I'm surprised that she didn't go through her usual routine today...maybe we have some kind of connection?

"What's your name?" She asks me suddenly.

"Well...just call me Mr. Nikaido." I answer, but then quickly add. "What's yours?"

"Sakura." She responds innocently. That's what I see...innocence in her face...pure...definitely not in mine.

"Sakura, what are you doing sitting beside this stranger? You know you're not suppose to sit around anyone you don't know." That woman from last time takes her, looking at me with the same disgust she had for me the last time I saw her.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Hahn." The little girl looks away from the woman's stare, and to the ground. I get up from the swing, looking at the woman.

"And you, why are you here every morning? Are you stalking us? You certainly look like the kind to do so. Kami know's what people like you do for a living." She spits out. That's right...it's all true. Only he knows what I'm doing.

"Only people like me? Well, I can't blame you..." I trail off, walking away from them slowly.

"I'll see you around...Sakura." I say with out looking back. But Sakura doesn't say anything. I know she won't...not in front of that sourpuss, anyway...

XDXDXD

I get home, tired as heck. All I want to do now is sleep. Sunday's...Kami, I swear they are the most boring days EVER. Well, that and Monday's. I quickly take off my jacket, hanging it on the coat hanger nearby. I pull out a cigarette from the cabinet(the forbidden cabinet), and light it up with the lighter that I had also supplied in there. I sit in a chair in the kitchen, taking in a big, long drag. Oh Kami...I feel so much better...I let it out slowly, reaching over to get the remote control to the TV, and turn it on. It comes on whatever channel Ash was last watching. Funny, I haven't really gone to see him lately...I wonder if he's even alive. I take another drag, then watch as the smoke comes out slowly, and steadily...filling the kitchen.

The door suddenly swings open. But through all the smoke, I can barely see that person. Kami, I hope it's not Ed. I head over to the door, watching someone leaning against the wall. My eyes widen as I see who it is.

"A-Ash?" I look at him. He looks pale, looking like he's about to fall over any second.

"Benimaru...so glad to see you..." He falls onto me. I catch him, startled as to why he's here.

"Ash, what are you doing here?" I ask him, but he seems to be in a daze. I realize I still have the cigarette in my hand. I quickly drop it, and put it out with my foot. I help him over to the couch, shaking his shoulders. "Ash, Ash. Listen up." I finally get his attention.

"Benimaru...s'il vous plait...stop shaking me. I am not dead." He finally responds.

"Well you sure look like it." I tell him, sitting next to him. "How'd you get out?" I ask.

"I checked my self out...I got bored..." He responds.

"You checked yourself out? But how?" I ask, although I know the exact answer. He doesn't answer. I get up to go make him something to eat. Kami knows how long he's been with out eating anything...

XDXDXD

It's night...he's been asleep for the longest time. I couldn't go with Kyo today because of Ash. Though, it was worth watching TV all day long. Movies, mostly though. All the re-runs are not for me-especially on Sundays. I'm on the couch, drinking a cup of coffee to calm my nerves. This is usually what I do to calm them. I have been trying to quit smoking, but it never works. I always end up smoking a pack by the end of the whole month, anyway. Used to, I'd smoke a pack in about two days. I probably already have some tumor in my lungs, waiting to expand, and finally end my pathetic life...but no...I can't die...not yet. I still have a purpose in this life.

"Benimaru...you are always so serious..." I suddenly hear a voice, I realize it's Ash's voice. I look over to him on the couch across from me.

"Serious?" I question, taking another drink of my coffee.

"Oui...you're always like that...thinking...what do you think about?" He asks me.

"It's...nothing. Nothing. Just some dumb shit running in my head." I lie, clearing my throat as nervousness rises in me.

"Merdi?"

"Huh?" He knows I can't understand French, why does he speak it?

"Shit...you said shit running in your head..." He smiles.

"Oh..." I try to hold back a smile, but fail miserably. I chuckle, putting down the cup of coffee. "You know, for a French dude, you sure don't know manners..." I laugh slightly.

"Oh, but I do...it is you who doesn't know...and besides, Benimaru-kun...I think a part of you has rubbed off on me." He laughs weakly, while trying to sit up a bit. He only manages to prompt himself up on his elbow.

"Oh, really?" I sigh, leaning back against the chair.

"Yes..." He trails off.

"Well, I think it's time for a little nap, don't you think?" I smirk. Well, since he's already had an all-day nap. I suppose another wouldn't hurt him. It certainly wouldn't hurt me now.

"I still feel very sleepy. It sounds about nice." He manages to stand up from the couch. I'm guessing that he wants to sleep on the bed. I get up, deciding to follow him anyway.

XDXDXD

"You know, I have been thinking...and I think we just might make it through..." Ash responds as I lay in bed, thinking about Sakura...it's a pretty name...

"How?" I mumble sleepily. It's like if I don't know him anymore-well, it's not like I have known him well...but now that I know he did that stuff...I think of him differently.

"How about...we gather up people to play the instruments...like the drums...guitar...we can sing. It shall make us some money." Ash responded.

"Sounds good..." I trail off, getting even more sleepy.

"Well...bonnuit Benimaru." He finally sighs, turning over in bed, while I keep staring at the ceiling...wondering_...(Will this work...will this actually get us out of this hell...?)_

XDXDXD

Normal POV

In the morning, Benimaru and Ash headed off to find people-who at least seemed interested in taking part of a band...of four people, that was. It wasn't as hard to find them, but Ash had a better idea.

"We need a fifth member." He suddenly thought up.

"What? Why?" Benimaru seemed confused. So far, they had only found one-and that was the drummer, who seemed to be some sort of pale, vampire-looking person.

"I've got an idea. Trust me. This will go far." He responded, looking over to a guitar store. 'We can find us a couple of guitarists in there, Benimaru. You just watch..."

XDXDXD

"No...way..." Benimaru trailed off, looking at Ash in shock after having found the remaining members of their 'band', then headed to the apartment once more.

"Of course...the plan I have in mind is for each of us to switch places in singing-me without having to play any type of instrument. When you do vocals, you can do it anyway you want...but when I do vocals...it'll be a whole different type of band. We'll get more money that way." He explained, doing the finishing touches on his finger nails.

"That sounds good...now we have to write out the guitar parts, and all the rest..." Benimaru felt frustrated already.

"No...I've got a better idea...let them decide what type of music the lyrics should be in...and besides, Benimaru...the voice will be what attracts the audience." Ash put up the nail polish.

"Right. So, when do we get started?" Benimaru asked.

"Tonight...at 9:30 sharp." Ash responded. "We'll get to meet these...people really well, then decide on where it's going to go." Ash seemed to be the professional one out of both of them-even if he had just 'gotten out of' the hospital for addiction...

"The earlier we start, the more progress. I'm definitely looking forward to this..."

XDXDXD

All right...it seems as if this is finally getting somewhere, eh? Well...sorry for the lateness...but lately, I've gotten too lazy...either that, or I'm just too busy trying to think of other stuff for all the other stories I still have unfinished. lol Anyway, please review if you can. See y'll later!

Translations(French):

_S'il vous plait_-please  
_Merdi_-shit


	11. Love for Music

Okay...thanks bunches to _Silverquickstar_...for reviewing so quickly! I was like, whoa! Wasn't expecting a review THAT quickly. lol And _Mogul Kahn_...I think you'll like the lyrics to The Mars Volta one...its more dealing with stuff you like, like the gore-ish stuff...Anyway...PLEASE read here...this chapter is mainly going to consist of lyrics-because Benimaru, Ash and the band are going to perform for some money-will they win? Well, one of these songs is gonna last a VERY long time-so if you can bare reading through it all-then you're an awesome person-if not, then at least get to the first three songs. So please...and pay special attention to the lyrics of these awesome songs! Anyway, please read and review!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the SNK characters used in my fics-but I do kinda own the other band members for it...though, they aren't real permanent ones-but still! Also, I do not own the lyrics to the following songs:

_Calm Americans_, by **Elliott**

_Speed of Film_, by **Elliott**

_The Widow_, by **The Mars Volta**

_Cassandra Gemini_, by **The Mars Volta **(this one is the really long one that is actually just three or so tracks all together in what seems a never-ending song)

**Notes: **Lyrics are in_ italics_. I kinda explained it in the paragraphs, but I'll tell you once more- the words that do not look like words in the _italicized lyrics _are either screams, or just the way I'm trying to make it sound-like the vocals kind of sound. Also, when it has _(blah,blah, blah) _It means that another person is singing along with the other person kind of like at the same time. 

Onto the chapter!

Chapter 11: Love for music...

Normal POV

It was past 9:30 now. All the to-be members of the so-called band had arrived, and they began to share thoughts and feelings about music.

"That sounds like a good plan. I'll work on most of the guitar parts for when Ash is singing." A man in his early twenties responded after hearing the plan.

"Yea. These lyrics really do sound awesome. We can make this work." The was about 19. His rough voice made him sound older.

"Bon. What do you think about this?" Ash was talking to the drummer, who had not said much of anything besides his name.

"I think it is an excellent plan...I'll work on this as well." He replied. Ash sat there, satisfied. (Now...I can get some money for my, what should I call it...need...)

XDXDXD

2 months later...

The band had arranged it all, and were preparing for their fist show at the small bar for a battle of the bands. The Local bands, that was.

"Prêt?" Ash asked Benimaru.

"Huh?"

"I meant...ready?"

"Oh. Yea, of course I'm ready. I've been waiting for this moment...been waiting a long time." Benimaru finished off.

"Hey guys, we're on next." One of the lead guitar players ran in, out of breath.

"Okay. So, we've got it now. I'll do vocals the first half, then Ash will switch, while I do the lead guitar. Jin, you come in, and Brodey, you take on the bass guitar." Benimaru recited, and the others nodded.

"Ready, Duo Lon?" Ash asked the drummer, who nodded slightly.

"Okay, next to set up the stage, and put on a show is Faible A. So get ready to rock out!" The announcer yelled through the microphone while they all entered the stage, ready to set up their equipment. Benimaru was actually getting nervous once more. Though, he knew that maybe it would go fine if he tried not to think about it.

Once everything was set, and everyone was in their spot, Benimaru got everyone's attention.

"How's everyone doing tonight?" He asked. He heard the people yell out. That was a good sign. That meant that everyone was still awake for their show. After all, it had been 6 bands before them, and they all lasted about an hour, or so on stage.

"Good. Are you guys ready to rock?"

"Yeah!" He heard the crowd scream out. He turned to look at Ash. He gave him a nod.

"Okay, we're going to start off with a song called Calm Americans." He said while Brodey tested out his guitar a bit. The drummer hit the drumming sticks together three times before the guitars, and the piano parts(with the help of their sample mixer) came into sound. Benimaru stepped up to the microphone while playing his guitar part.

(Calm Americans)

_"Bound to own, all of our dreams. Intimate love affair with common man themes. You'll come quick, and you'll come here now, a fool to make it all erase." _The guitars started up while Benimaru sang. _"You stand where you fall, you climb when you cave, your looks spent the lihife_(AN: Life-just in case you're wondering if some of these words don't make sense-I'm trying to make it sound the way he sings it), _your body would pay. you're a minute thin when the time is always right. You've already Americanized your thoughts." _Benimaru then began with the chores. He realized that what he had in mind for a song was finally made_..."Realize I try, feel it's all I've got! It's all been Americanized that's all! You lead your life, pretending that you're not found dead yet! You've already made it, You've already met your goal! You entertain, take a taste and runaway with, it's all been Americanized that's all! You symbolize, the message that we're all ok with, we all fall in bed with, we've all lost our sense of touch! __Bound to own, all of our dreams... It's all, ready Americanized that's allll! You come for, suicides and breaknecks, it's alright, I've already made my dream. It's all right, I've already made my dreeaam!" _The guitars seemed to go on an outrage of their own with the emotion. The song slowed down a bit, and Benimaru took a short pause as his part came swiftly. Now he sang a bit softer. _"It's alright, I, convince myself, it's over, let's get it right. We calm ourselves, with sex and games, it's over let's get it..." _He began to almost scream into the microphone as the song started up again. _"We calm ourselves, with locks and keys, it's over! Let's get it right! We calm ourselves, with store bought dreams! It's over!_ _Realize I've tried, feel it's all I've got! It's all been americanized that's all! You symbolize, with a message that we're all ok with! We all lie in bed with, we've all lost our sense of touch. Bound to own, all of our dreams. It's already Americanized that's all! You come for, suicides and breaknecks! It's all right, I've already made my dream, It's all right, I've already made, my, dreeeaaam!"_ The song finished off with the guitars, and the drums-all almost mixing as one. Benimaru looked up at the crowd, they seemed to either be bored to death, or still memorized at what they had witnessed. All of the sudden, applause, and yells came into focus for all of them. After all, they had all been very nervous. Benimaru smiled lightly, breathing heavily. He took a few breaths, and a look towards Ash before he neared himself to the microphone once more.

"So...you guys ready for more?" He asked, almost breathlessly. The crowd yelled out, and Benimaru supposed that it was a yes. He looked at all of them, and they all nodded. (1, 2, 3, 4...) Benimaru counted in his head before Brodey began with his guitar part, softly at first. Then Ash came in with the bass guitar. Duo Lon followed immediately after. Benimaru neared himself up to the microphone, gripping it, and singing softly.

(Speed of Film)

"_Turn around...Turn to me. Maybe you're the one, who's overrated. This painted town, is blinding me, Silver shock in its glow." _The song began to build up rapidly. Brodey sang along with Benimaru slightly with the chores._ "Trust the moving colors! Trust the random actions! This normal life, this normal life, it's not so simple! Gate our conversation, from their armored rumors! This normal life, this normal life, it is not so simple!" _The sound of the guitars eased a bit, letting Benimaru sing, almost softly._ "Predatory, profiling, is causing me, to change shape. Form their own illusions, form of metamorphosing. It's escaping me, to keep it ieahhn! _(AN: IN) _Let it all fall simple. Let the color wash away." _The song began to build up once more. _"Trust the moving colors! Trust the random actions! This normal life, this normal life, it's not so simple! Gate our conversations, from their armored rumors! This normal life, this normal life, it's not so simple..." _Benimaru almost seemed to trail off as the guitars and the bass faded away, and almost only the drums were left, playing at what seemed an incredible speed for the song. They began once more, and the drums intensified as Benimaru got ready to sing once again. _"Your motor sensors, let them in to stimulate the moments. This time it's not your timing, this time it's not your timing! Flash forms of skin and ink are marvels of the new world. This time it's not your timing, this time is not your timing!_ _This normal life, this normal life, it's not so simple! Trust the moving colors, trust their random actions!" _Ash suddenly joined Benimaru, almost making it impossible to know what the lyrics said now. (AN: Ash is singing with (...) :P)

_"(This time is not your timing,) This normal life, this normal life, (This time is not your timing) it's not so simple! (This time is not your timing!) Trust the moving colors, trust their random actions! This normal life, this normal life, (This time is not your timing!) "Gate our conversations, from their armored rumors! This normal life, this normal life,(This time is not your timing,) it's not so simple! (This time is not your timing!)" _The song seemed to fade away.

All of the sudden, they switched places. A new guitarist came into view, and Brodey switched to the bass guitar while Ash put away his own bass guitar, and picked up his microphone. A new, different song began. The vocals began first.

(The Widow)

"_He's got fasting black lungs. Made of clove splintered shades. They're the kind that will talk, through the wheezing of coughs_." Ash neared to the crowd, as if they knew the song. But it seemed as if they did. "_And I hear him every night, in every pore, and every time he just makes me warm_!" The guitars began loudly. "_Freeze without an answer, free from all the shame! Must I hide, cuz I'll never, never sleep alone."_ The guitars subsided slowly, while Benimaru kept his eye on Ash as he came close to him. _"Look at how the flock to him. From an isle of open sores." _Ash made his way back, close to the now growing crowd. "_He knows that the taste is such, is such to die for. And I hear him every night, in every street. The scales that do slither deliver me from...!"_ The guitars began once more, going with Ash's vocals. _"Freeze without an answer, free from all the shame! Then I'll hide. Cuz I'll never, never sleep alone." _Ash began to raise his voice, along with the rise of the song. _"Oh lord! Said I'm, said I'm, said I'm, said I'm bloodshot for sure! Pale runs the ghost! Said I'm swollen on the shore! Every night, in every pore, the scales that do slither, deliver me from! Freeze without an answer, free from all the shame! Then I'll hide. Cuz I'll never, never sleep alone. Freeze without an answer, freeze from all the shame! Let me die. Cuz I'll never...never, sleep alone." _The song ended, and everyone cheered. Ash said a quick thank you before taking a drink of the bottle of water. They were about to begin another song, taking a short break. Benimaru had never sweat this much in his life. The whole room was hot enough for it to be a sunny day out, when really, it was night, and the temperature seemed to be getting lower by the hour. Ash turned to Benimaru, then nodded. They were ready to begin...

Cassandra Gemini)

_"I think I've become one of the others. Ohh, oh! Ohh! I think I've become, like one of the others. ahh, ohh, ohh! I think I've become, like one of the others! Ohh, yeaah!"_ Ash took a break as a recorded voice said the next part to the song, and the others took a break from the fast paced song as it slowed slightly.

_"There was a frail syrup dripping off his lap, danced lapel, punctuated by her decrepit prowl she washed down the hatching. Gizzard soft as a mane of needles. His orifice icicles hemorrhaged by combing her torso to a pile. Perspired the trophy shelves made room for his collapse. She was a mink handjob in sarcophagus heels"  
_  
_"Bring me to my knees! Read the sharpened lines. Ahahall,(AN:ALL) my arms bled me blind! Faucet leaks in shadows, Spilling from, morgue lancet caressed your fontanelle." _The guitars began their rise once Ash had stopped singing. _"I've sworn to kill! Every last one, every last one! Panic in the shakes of the wounded, Panic in the worms onto the floor, and out of your mouth, out of your eyelids!"_ The song raised even more, starting with the chores.

"_No there's no light! In the darkest of your furthest reaches, No there's no light! In the darkest of your furthest reaches..."_ The song took a small break, and Ash began once more. Benimaru had to admit, the vocals for this song weren't all that pleasant-but it suited it well.

_"Allhallhall, all your dreams! Splintered off! Leech by leech, on this catafalque! Anyone will tell you, yes anyone. Chance had me setting a trip wire alarm. Your mother flirted with disease. When she skinned that costume by it's navel strings! Panic in the shakes of the wounded, panic in the worms, onto the floor, and out of your mouth, out of your eyelids!"  
_  
_"No there's no light! In the darkest of your furthest reaches, no there's no light! In the darkest of your furthest reaches, no there's no light! In the darkest of your furthest reaches, no there's no light! In the darkest of your furthest reaches...! Shockless shackles, free you! Fools taste tongues! I better leave you again, I won't be owned. Not this time. Shock lest shackles free you! Volt face cons! Abandon you again, I won't feel not this time! Oh,ohh!" _The song seemed to keep going, when really, it was over-they had just moved onto another song-it fit perfectly faded in to the last one. The guitars began to rise once more. The song seemed faster than the last.

_"Brick by brick, the night eclipsed! Pricked by cuticle thorns! Dried the sleep on nursery slits Into this life I'm born! Heaven's just a scab away! I'd like to see you after just one taste! Oh! Oh! Oh! _

_"Sink your teeth into the flesh of midnight! Night forever more! Let them see it has begun! The others I've becoahhaaam!" (AN:BECOME)_ The guitars seemed to subside for a moment, while Ash's voice lowered.

_"If you should see the dice...Charmed with it's snaked-choked eyes...You'll wear the widows weeds, because they're just your size. Ohahohahohahahwowahh! Ohahohahohoahwowahh!" _Only the guitars were playing for a short while, then Ash began once more.

_"Behind the snail secretion, leaves a dry heave that absorbs, a limbless procreation, let the infant crawled deformed. A bag replace the breath  
of these suffocating sheets, and now when the craving calls, I'll scratch my itchy teeth!" _Ash lowered his voice slightly._  
_  
_"And soon, come on, if you don't know...Come on, if you don't know, come on if you don't know..."  
_  
_"Sink your teeth into the flesh of midnight. Night forever more! Sink your teeth into the flesh of midnight! Night forever more-ohahohahohah, wowah!  
_  
_"She fell for the whispers, Sister flooded deaf tears. That night, tore a river, in her baron womb mirror! And his multiple sons, with their mandible tongues! Set crucified fires to petrified homes! Alalhaalhalha-let it burn! Alalhaalhalha-let it burn!" _

"And the owls they were watching! And the owls didn't care! Then the owls came a knocking! Placenta in their stares!

"They will feed on all the carnage! Leftover from the flood! And in the corner of their eyes! Fled sister L'Via! Fled sister L'via!" The song seemed to end right there, and Ash's voice seemed to be fading away slowly.

_"Now the pieces went floating, reflecting all at dusk. Conceived from the sssstabbing, was Vismund Cygnus..." _The vocals died down, and the guitars seemed to die with it as well. The song continued with Ash screaming for a moment, then whispering a few moments later.

_"25 wives in the lake tonight. 25 wives in the lake tonight. 25 wives in the lake tonight. 25 wives in the lake tonight. _Ash said a couple of words in-between just while the song began to end.

"Thank you for your support, everyone. Keep with us!" The crowd cheered while Ash began once more.

_"25 wives in the lake tonight, raw bark in the water of the marble shrine. 25 snakes pour out your eyes. Yeah the icepicks comming on the marble shrine. 25 wives in the lake tonight, raw bark in the water of the marble shrine. 25 snakes pour out your eyes. Yeah the icepicks comming, comming on the marble shrine. 25 wives in the lake tonight, raw bark in the water of the marble shrine! 25 snakes pour out your eyes. Yeah the icepicks comming on the marble shrine." _Benimaru joined along. (AN: Benimaru singing (...) XD)

_25 wives in the lake tonight, (oh!)raw bark in the water of the marble shrine. (oh!) 25 snakes pour out your eyes. (Oh!)Yeah the icepicks comming on the marble shrine! 25 wives in the lake tonight, raw bark in the water of the marble shrine. 25 snakes pour out your eyes. Yeah the icepicks comming on the marble shrine! 25 snakes are drowning...drown, drown, drown, drown." _The song raised up once more, in for what seemed, the never-ending song.

_"Brick by brick, the night eclipsed Pricked by cuticle thorns. Dried the sleep on nursery slits Into this life I'm born! Heaven's just a scab away! I'd like to see you after just one taste! Oh, ohh, oh!"  
_  
_"Sink your teeth into the flesh of midnight! Night forever more! Let them see it has begun! The others I've become! _Benimaru began once again. (AN: Beni singing (...) XD)_  
_  
_"No there's no light! In the darkest of your furthest reaches, no there's no light! In the darkest of your furthest reaches, No there's no light! In the darkest of your furthest reaches, No there's no light! (No there's no light!)  
In the darkest of your furthest reaches, (No there's no time,)  
In the darkest of your furthest reaches, (You ain't got nothing, Your life was just a lie,)  
In the darkest of your furthest!"_ Finally, the song ended, and they quickly put on a break while the crowd cheered. They had actually liked it...

XDXDXD

"...And the battle of the bands money goes to Faible A!" The announcer announced. All of them were surprised. Had it actually worked out? Beginners luck-as so they all thought. Ash, accompanied by Benimaru went on the stage again, still sweaty from playing those songs. They took the check, which was for 10,000 yen. Had they really won that much? All Benimaru could say was a thanks to the fans. So did Ash. They got off stage quickly, deciding to celebrate their big 'victory'.

"All right, so we split this money-but let's worry about that later-let's go to a bar, and get drunk!" Brodey yelled out, which to Jin agreed to.

"Man, I don't know, I'm really tired you guys, maybe-" Benimaru tried to get out of this one, but failed as Brodey put an arm around his shoulder.

"Nah, man. We worked too hard not to party. So we're all going! Let's go!" They dragged Benimaru, and Duo Lon around, who seemed to be the only ones objecting to it all. They arrived at a bar, in to which...they'd all enjoy themselves. But...was it really worth it...?

XDXDXD

Okay...so, I wonder what's gonna happen at that party, eh? Hehehe. Surely, this time-someone will actually get what they want...please review if you can please! Later, peace! XD

PS: Also, if you want to check out these songs yourselves, you're more than welcome to...at Myspace dot com. /elliottmusic .And I don't know if The Mars Volta one has any of these songs on their thing. Though Elliott does have the latest version of Calm Americans. Check them out-I'd be awesome if you did. Later!


	12. Regrets

Okay...this chapter is going to consist of _lemon_...so if you don't like it-don't read! XD

_Eye of Skadi_: Hey, I hope you like this chapter...as I promised. lol lemon! And surprise! It's not between two men! lol Tell me what you think about it!

_Silverquickstar_: Hey! Thanks for reviewing! I'm sorry that I didn't reply to ya as soon-computer problems. I think you should keep going with your fic like it is-ignore that guy-hey, you could even block him! That's what the block button is for! lol Anyway, if you prefer not to read this certain chapter, that's ok with me! lemon is probably not your thing...just doing this as a request.

Disclaimer: I don't own the SNK characters...

Chapter 12: _Regrets_...

"Chug it, chug it, chug it!" They chanted while Benimaru, who had objected to drinking in the first place, now stood drinking the bottle of vodka.

"Yea!" He finished drinking it, and they all patted him on the back...it seemed like the right thing to do at the moment...they liked him...they were paying attention to him.

"Whoo!" Brodey slapped him on the back playfully. "Dude, I can't believe you just did that!" He yelled over all the music, screaming, and excited voices of the people at the party.

"Yea..." Benimaru trailed off. He was beginning to feel it coming down on him. Now he regretted drinking it.

"Hello, there." He suddenly heard a voice. He turned faced to face with a woman, who looked at him charmingly.

"Hey." Benimaru smiled idiotically from the alcohol. She flipped her black hair back, looking at him with her pale blue eyes. (AN: Of course...she's Japanese...just to let you know)

"I liked your show tonight." She was very close to him now. Her lips contacting with his own. He parted the kiss after a while.

"Thanks." Benimaru smirked.

"Vodka, eh?" The woman smelled it on his breath.

"The good stuff..." Benimaru trailed off, looking at her body. She hardly had any clothes on. Her red skirt was too high, and her shirt was too small...but it was effective for getting men all over her.

"Hmm...I was wondering if you'd help me out tonight..." She trailed off, running a finger down his chest.

"With what?" Benimaru asked. He felt the alcohol begin to kick in slowly, almost like poison making its way to his brain...to kill him, to set him off...

"Let's go to the upstairs rooms, and you'l find out." She answered in an exotic voice. Benimaru couldn't resist...the alcohol, and the fact that he was a man, and allowed his lower parts to think most of the time didn't help at the moment. So he followed her, following her into sin...

Benimaru felt as she pushed him down onto the bed, her soft lips on his own, and her hands underneath his shirt. His own hands came across her body...her curves. He felt underneath her shirt, his hands undoing her bra, then slipping off her shirt to expose her breasts, her hardened nipples. Benimaru groaned with excitement. He hadn't done this in a long time...a woman...in his arms...

"Kami..." Benimaru felt her breasts, sqeezing at them. He heard her moan softly. He sat up, sucking on her hardened nipples, gently at first. She moaned a little louder as he devoured her breasts into his mouth. His shirt came off a few moments later, revealing his muscular chest, and abdomen. Benimaru almost brutally, forced her down onto the bed, and began to kiss her roughly, entering her mouth...making her his own while Benimaru's hands felt under her skirt, his hands caressing her. He felt wetness, he heard her moan...it was like nothing before...

"Kaylee..." Benimaru murmured, sucking on her neck...marking her as his own. She looked at him for a moment, exited.

"Call me whatever you want, baby...just fuck me..." She moaned as she felt Benimaru's fingers penetrate her roughly. Was this all going by too fast? Her body quivered as he did this. The pain and pleasure mixed together, making it impossible to identify which was which. Benimaru now nibbled on her hardened nipples, with his free hand sqeezing the other breast.

"Mmph, oh Benimaru..." She moaned. Benimaru lowered himself, inserting yet another finger. She moaned even louder, louder still...she came, wetness seemed to run down his hand. He finally took his fingers out, then opened her legs. He licked her clean, making sure that with each movement she felt, that it would cause her to go crazy...

"Mmph!" She moaned, watching as he did this...his tongue playing around, almost inside of her, where his fingers had been moments ago. He stopped, sliding her to the edge of the bed. He undid his pants quickly, setting himself free. She didn't want this to end yet...no, it couldn't. She quickly acted, sitting up despite the lower part of her body objecting to it. She quickly found herself sucking on his length, looking up at him to see his reaction. He was looking at the ceiling, murmuring that woman's name.

"Kaylee..." He felt his whole body quiver as she devoured him completely, almost sucking harshly...but he was enjoying it...he liked the pain. "Oh, Kami!" Benimaru moaned, looking at her for a brief moment. This couldn't be happening...he could never have this type of pleasure...not without a price...

He felt himself coming...he wanted her to swallow it all...

"Mmph! Oh, Kaylee!" Benimaru yelled out. He forced her head down, creating a new rhythm for her to follow. She followed it, wanting him to cum inside of her mouth.

"Mmph, ahh!" Benimaru finally came a few moments later, coming in thick spurts inside her mouth. She swallowed it all, looking at him as she took him out of his mouth, her saliva thick with his seed. Benimaru knocked her down, onto the bed, kissing her, despite of tasting the salty tast of himself in her mouth. He disposed of her skirt quickly, then lowered his pants alittle more. He looked at her, her blurry image telling him to enter her. He entered her roughly, gasping at the pleasure it was. She screamed his name out, her legs wrapping around his waist.

"Oh, Benimaru!" She bit her lip from saying anything else. He moved slowly inside of her, thrusting into her, letting her become accustomed to him inside of her. "Faster...faster..." She groaned. Benimaru shut his eyes in pure pleasure, thrusting into her harder, but he didn't increase the speed. She moaned each time he thrust into her roughly, liking as his body impacted with her own. Benimaru held her hands down as the passion rose, and he couldn't hold back any longer. He sped up his actions, wanting to almost rape her...to make her yell out in pain...it seemed as if she was enjoying it...

"Oh, oh Kami, harder!" She yelled out loudly. "Benimaru, mmph, oh..."

"Shut up..." Benimaru told her. She was making it worse...making him want to come...he didn't want that yet...no, not yet.

"Benimaru!"

"Shut up!" Benimaru moaned, leaning down onto her. He kissed her roughly, shutting her up with his mouth. He could still her her muffled moans inside his mouth. He was going to come. He couldn't stop it. He parted the kiss, thrusting harder into her. It seemed almost impossible for him to thrust any harder into her, but he did...he felt himself come inside of her. He moaned even louder, wanting to let it all out.

He did the final thrusts inside of her before he slid out, exhausted. She lay on top of him, kissing his lips. He gave no response, though. She smirked. This was her opportunity to leave.

"Benimaru...you were great in bed...but...I have to go..." She kissed him once more, then got up. She dressed herself quickly, trying her best to fix her hair. Benimaru heard the door close, he felt his hair on the side of his face...but he couldn't do anything...he was too tired...

XDXDXD

Okay...so what'd you think? I know...not usual for me to write lemon with Benimaru actually paired up with a woman. LOL Though...tell me what you though of it! lol Not very good, I suppose. XD Don't blame me if it is. Please review!


	13. In waiting

Yay! You guys actually liked the lemon!XD Well, read on and find out what happens next! Please leave your reviews...I've got a lot of hits...yet so little reviews...(glares)

Thanks to: (For actually reviewing!)

_Silverquickstar_

_Sanity's Eclipse_

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the SNK characters...except for myOC character that I've had in a certain chapter. XD

Chapter 13: In waiting...

Benimaru POV

Kami...I had the best dream of my life...Or...was it a dream? My eyes are wide open in a second. I'm naked. It DID happen. Kami...what was I thinking? I didn't have any protection or anything! I get off the bed, then slip on my clothes. My hair is a mess, and my whole body feels too sticky. I quickly head out, despite of it being morning. I see some people asleep on the couches, cans-a mess everywhere. The party...when did it end? Did Ash go home? I suddenly find myself in a panic. Did they see me with that woman? What was her name? Kami...I've screwed up. I suddenly feel my wallet. I hope she didn't steal the little money I had left...I check, and everything is still there...but there's a note inside. It's from her. How-nevermind. It has her phone number, and her name. Hold on a second...it's...I remember her now...from that other party...she's-Yumi...from the last party I went to with Kyo. Kami...how did I not realize it? Stop it? Of course...I forgot all about the alcohol I drank...

I catch a bus to the appartment room, and see that no one is there. Ash must've gone home with the others. I decide to take a quick shower...to wash away my sins...

I've scrubbed about 30 times, and still feel dirty...dirtier than before...it can't be as dirty as when I'm out there with those...other people...can it? No...it's not. Still, though. That girl...she could be...no...I can't let that happen...

I'm out of the bathroom in a matter of minutes, dialing her phone number.

"Hello?" She answers.

"Is this...Yumi?" I ask.

"Yes-Oh! Benimaru, is this you?" She suddenly has a cheerful tone to her voice. "I'll never forget your voice, Benimaru." I hear her say.

"Listen to me-it will never happen again." I tell her.

"I won't be too sure...you seemed to enjoy it too much not to last night." I can hear the smirk in her voice.

"I was drunk. You know how things get." I tell her.

"Drunk, yes. But...you wanted me...the way you touched me...and the way you thrust into me." I can almost hear the moan in her voice.

"What if you're pregnate?" I ask her.

"Don't worry about that. I want your child." She laughs.

"Shut up!" I yell. No...this can't...happen, can it? "I'm serious. I don't want you to ruin your life." I tell her. She quiets down a little.

"Benimaru...come over to my house...we'll talk about it there." I hear the seriousness in her voice.

"I will...I'll be over there in a few." I tell her. I hang up before she can say anything else.

"Benimaru?" I suddenly hear a voice, and the door shut. It's Ash. I turn to face him.

"How'd you get home?" He asks me.

"Bus...where'd you stay at?" I ask him.

"Oh, I stayed over at Brodey's house. Anyway, where'd you go?" He asks me, sitting down in a chair.

"I was there...I kinda passed out." I tell him, hoping that I could avoid telling him anything else.

"In a room?" No such luck...damn it.

"Yea. I was...well..."

"Oh, I know...having sex, right? Don't be ashamed to tell me. How was it?" He asks me.

"What?" I look at him wide-eyed.

"How was the sex?" He repeats.

"Oh...well, it was great." I tell him. Kami, I'm not used to telling other people about it...especially Ash...

"Was it a man or woman?" He asks.

"Woman-wait-why are you asking these questions for?" I tell him. He only laughs.

"No reason." He smirks. "You seemed to be pretty drunk last night. Who knows what it could have been? Man...woman..." Ash smirks again.

"What about you?" I ask him.

"Me? Well...let's just say that I got it pretty evenly."

"Man or woman?" I ask him.

"Oh...do you really want yo know?" He asks.

"A man, right?" I guess. It's quite obvious...

"How'd you guess?" He smirks.

"I knew." I tell him. Kami...up until now, he's expressed himself even more. I'm not so sure I want to know any more of it.

"Well...I have to go. I'll be back." I tell him.

"Don't you have to dress yourself first?" He reminds me. I'm so nervous, and wanting to get out of here that I've forgotten about clothes. I look at the towel wrapped around my waist.

"Oh, right." I walk towards my room, then quickly get dressed. I dry my hair, then pull it back to a lazy pony tail. I have black slacks on, with one of my blue button-up shirts, only buttoned up enough to show my chest. I don't feel like shaving. This will do. I quickly slip on my socks, then my black dress up shoes. I head out of the room, and find Ash staring at me in surprisement.

"I've never seen you wear that before." He tells me.

"No?" I smile lightly.

"No...well, where are you going?" He asks me.

"Somewhere...I'll tell you about it later." I tell him, slinging my jacket over my shoulder.

"All right, then. I'll see you." He waves me off, slipping on his reading glasses.

"Yea, Later." I head out the door, and to her house. Now I'm starting to think that I don't ever want to see her again...

A few moments later, I arrive at her house, and I find myself knocking on the front door. She opens it, and I find myself staring at her like before. She smiles, stepping aside.

"You know, Benimaru. For someone who's bi, you do dress well." She sighs.

"Bi?" I question her.

"Yes. You are, aren't you?" She asks me.

"No...not really." I tell her.

"Oh. I thought that the other singer you had in your band was your boyfriend." She smirks.

"He's just a friend..." I tell her, a bit frustrated. Does it really look that obvious? My clothing? Must be my hair...

"Oh, and besides, you told me last time that you slept with more men than I ever have..." She adds. Kami...I knew that would come back to me sometime... "Well, anyway...you won't have to worry about me being pregnate. I take the pill." She tells me. I don't say anything.

"Do you want anything to eat?" She asks me, noticing my silence.

"Sure..." I trail off. Kami...she better not be lying. "Are you sure it actually works?" I ask her, still unsure.

"Yes. Though, I've listened to you...I've reduced in number of men to sleep with." She tells me.

"Really?" I ask her.

"You really showed me what true love could be..." She trials off, trailing her finger down my chest...like last night. "You know that?" She leans up to kiss me. I pull back, holding her hand to prevent her fromt touching me like that again.

"That..." I tell her. "That isn't true love...sex isn't everything..." I tell her, slowly letting go of her hand. She stays quiet for a moment.

"I...I don't get you..." She tells me suddenly. Of course...I can't even understand myself...

"You can't...(_Can't understand what I've been through...what I'm still going through_)...things have happened to me...a lot of crap..." I tell her. "I can't let it repeat again." That's why...we can't be...

"I see now...well...when you're ready.." She tells me. I only smile.

"We'll see." I tell her. I head out the door, not wanting...forgetting about everything about her...until...and if I'm ever ready to love again...

XDXDXD

So...what'd you guys think? Quite a lot of surprises, eh? Well, leave me a review...it would be much appreciated! Later! XD


	14. Desperation

All right...thanks to the peeps who reviewed! I appreciate it! Well, it seems like in this chapter...things are gonna get a bit tense. XD So...read on to find out!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything...don't sue.

Chapter 14: _Desperation..._

Benimaru POV

I uneasily head back to the apartment room...where I know nothing is right...I feel as if everything is switched around somehow. As I head up the stairs, I feel eyes watching me. I know who it is...that bastard...I look at him from the corner of my eye, then remind myself that in a few weeks, maybe I won't have to look at him-not ever again.

I turn the door knob, then open the door quite easily. I'm surprised to see who's there. He looks at me with a slight smile.

"Good to know that you've been progressing." Kyo says. I see Ash in the kitchen, gulfing down some cereal.

"Progressing?" I ask him, a bit confused.

"The music. I told him all about our first concert." Ash says.

"Oh. Well, thanks." I just about want to put a sheepish grin on my face, but decide against it. I leave my face expressionless.

"So when's your next concert?" I hear Kyo ask as I put up my coat-which I didn't even use.

"Well..." I trail off, looking towards Ash, who shrugs.

"You don't know?" Kyo laughs lightly. "Well, when you do-be sure to inform me about it. I want to see you perform. I'll even take Yuki along-even if she hates the idea of going to a rock concert." Kyo sits on the couch, making himself at home-as usual...even if this is a shitty place...

"Yea...be sure to bring her along." I mumble, heading to the kitchen to get something to drink.

"You want a drink?" I ask Kyo before closing the refrigerator door.

"Sure." Kyo responds. I hear the commotion of the television, then wonder what's on. I had already known he'd say yes. He's always up for free food and drinks. I hand him a coke, then guiltedly open my own. I know I'm not suppose to drink any soft drinks...but...I don't really care much when Kyo's around. For a moment, I had almost forgotten that Ash was there. Well, he wasn't there. He had gone off into the room somewhere.

"How is the relationship with Yuki going?" I ask, just to start some kind of conversation.

"Fine...hey, how's college?" He asks me, taking a quick drink of his coke. Shit! I forgot...

"To tell you the truth, I really haven't been going lately...too busy." I tell him.

"I thought that it's what you were striving for?" Kyo looks confused.

"Well...yes, but now that I've gotten a band...and some money..." I trail off.

"Well, anyway-why didn't you tell me you had a concert?" Kyo asks me, a bit angry.

"You should have been the first to know, I'm sorry...but remember that you never took my music seriously." I remind him.

"Still, though! You should have told me!" Kyo laughs, punching me playfully on the arm.

"Look, well I've gotta go." Kyo finishes up his drink, then chunks it into the trash can.

"Where?" I ask him.

"With Yuki. I'm going to be a little late."

"As always." I tell him.

"Hey-at least I show up." Kyo, then again, reminds me just how pathetic us guys really are.

"Right." I get up to at least show him out the door. I open the door, then await for him to get out.

"I'll see you-call me when the next one is up." He reminds me before I shut the door.

"All right, see ya." I laugh slightly, then close the door. I see Ash, there. Standing in the door way to the room we sleep in.

"I just called the other band members. They said that a mid night club would be open, so we could do a show there." He informs me.

"When?" I ask him.

"Next week. Though, I'm not too sure that they'd approve of us." Ash shakes his head.

"Why not?" I head into the kitchen for something to eat. I grab a yogurt, and a spoon from the drawer.

"That place is full of people that are against homosexuals...and I know that by the way we sing...or, rather, how I'd look, that they'd want us out of there." Ash, as always, having some bad pretenses about things.

"Really?" I take a spoonful of yogurt to my mouth.

"Oui...well, come on, then. What are you going to make for lunch?" He asks.

"We'll see..." I smirk. "We'll see."

XDXDXD

_A week later..._

_At the club, 11:47PM_

I wasn't sure if I should ask Kyo-I didn't, of course. I knew there'd be a risk. To my surprisement, though-there he was...Ash must've told him.

"Hey, man!" He slaps me on the shoulder. Looks like he's been drinking. Then I notice the bottle of beer in his other hand. Well, like if I couldn't notice the smell on his breath, anyway.

"Hey." I manage a small smile. To tell you the truth, I'm actually quite nervous. I saw the way they were looking at us when we came in through the back door. All those people against us...

"Let's get this started!" I suddenly hear a voice behind us.

"Brodey! Hey, what's up?" I do a short handshake with him.

"Nothing much. Hey, we're ready to start. Is Ash going to sing first?" He asks.

"Nah. Tell him I will." I tell him.

"Okay. Let's go." He turns to leave.

"See you, Kyo." I tell him, then follow Brodey to the back of the stage. I see Ash there, a bit releaved that I'm actually there with him.

"Don't worry, I'm singing first." I tell him.

"_Bon_. (T: Good) Let's get started."

XDXDXD

Normal POV

The music started, and the crowd began to groan, as it was beggining to be a slow song. Benimaru began shortly after the opening, even through the boos of the crowd, and the discrimination.

_"And they see inside...And they barely breathe...And the sun will rise...And they'll come to see." _Benimaru noticed trash in the stage, but even so, he continued on. _"And they seem to show. Would you rather leave? With your sould beside? Will you barely breathe? Where were you in mind, where? Where were you in mind, where?" _Benimaru felt a can of beer hit his arm. _"Who are they coming for? Were they down with me? And you take a strike...Soon the sun will free. Send the life away. Come to wake the dead. On the single road...Keep your life the same. Where were you in mind, where? Where were you in mind, where? Where were you in mind, where...?"_ Now it was Ash's turn to take the stage, but my that time, the crowd didn't like them at all. They began to throw more things onto the stage. Benimaru looked at Ash, then at Brodey, who shrugged. Duo Lon didn't seem to have any emotions on his face, but only awaited for them to begin. Though, Ash knew that they were not going to play anything else. Through all the booing, they heard something else being yelled out.

"Get off the stage, faggots!" A man clearly yelled out. Benimaru took hold of Ash's shoulder, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Come on." Benimaru felt a little sorry for him-for the both of them. Ash turned to leave.

"Hey, faggot!" He was suddenly hit by a beer bottle. It hit his shoulder. Ash froze. Letting the pain consume his arm. Ash turned back around. Benimaru tried to stop him.

"Ash-Ash!" Benimaru took hold of his shirt, but Ash shrugged him away.

"Yeah, that's right! I'm talking to you two faggots!" The man smirked. Ash laughed bitterly, to Benimaru's surprise.

"It's just like you people, isn't it?" Ash told the man. The man frowned, taking it as an offense.

"Are you trying to pick a fight with me?" The man laughed. Ash neared him. Benimaru held him back.

"Ash, please. Don't." Benimaru tried to calm him.

"What, is that your boyfriend?" The man burst out laughing. Some other men joined in. Ash shrugged him away once more.

"No, clearly, you've got things all wrong!" Ash jumped from the stage, then punched him. The crowd stood in shock. Benimaru knew this would come to a tragedy. He jumped down with him, then pulled him away. Kyo followed them, observing everything-clearly, he was drunk.

"You little son of a bitch! I'm going to kill you! You just wait!" The man screamed, but he didn't go after them. They kept walking until they were safe in Brodey's car. Ash didn't look at anyone...it was as if he was asking for his death...it would soon come.

XDXDXD

All right...what'd you guys think? Well, please review...and find out what happens in the next chapters! Later:D


	15. How things work out

Let's start this! XD Well, in this chapter...they are going to play another concert...and I hope that you will at least read these awesome lyrics or check out the songs.

Thanks to the wonderful people that reviewed...and that read but don't review-at least I know that someone is reading...anyway, thanks to:

_**Silverquickstar**: _Thanks for your review! XD Greatly appreciated!

_**Tyrant Rave v.Alpha**: _And...yea. As you can see-it's no where related to KOF, so yea-they don't have powers. :P

Please read and review! Thanks!

Disclaimer: I don't own the _SNK_ characters, nor the lyrics to the songs from the following artists:

**Coheed and Cambria: **Delirium Trigger

**Elliott:** Carving Oswego, Superstitions in Travel

**Falling Forward: **Character

**The Mars Volta: **Inertiatic Esp

**Notes: **Here are how things will work out in this chapter...

Lyrics: "_Italics_"

Song Name: **Bold**

Thoughts: (_Thought_)

Translations: (T: _translation_)

Let's continue! XD

Chapter 15: _How things work out..._

"You know, not everyone is going to like the music." Kyo said through mouthfuls of food.

"I know that...but...it's just...wrong."Benimaru tried to search for the right words.

"Wrong? How?"

"You know, judging at first sight...but...it's a part of life."He mumbled

"Beni-kun, could you pass me the salt, please?" Ash's voice is suddenly heard.

"Sure." Benimaru passed the salt, all the while looking at Ash, almost studying him. But...for what?

"_Merci_." He thanked him. Benimaru cleared his throat, then poked around at his own pasta.

"Hey, why aren't you eating? I thought that this was your favorite food." Kyo noticed Benimaru's lack of appitite.

"I'm not really all that hungry." Benimaru mumbled. He kept thinking of what that man had said. It worried him.

"Can I have it, then?" Kyo asked. Benimaru frowned. This would be Kyo's 4th serving of pasta.

"Don't you ever eat at home?" Benimaru asked him. Now he knew that maybe that it was his only concern as to why he had asked why he hadn't been eating his food. _(I should know better by now...no one is going to care about you...only trust yourself...) _Benimaru thought, but handed his plate over to Kyo, who began to pig out again.

"No. Yuki's cooking sucks." Kyo admitted. Benimaru and Ash looked at each other, then shrugged.

"Well, if you say so." Benimaru took a drink from the glass of water. _(Only time will tell...maybe I'll find out if I really want to know what my life is going to become...) _

XDXDXD

_Weeks later..._

_Kyo's house, 10:23PM..._

"Come on, Yuki. Just this once." Kyo was almost begging her to go.

"What band concert? I don't like rock, you know that!" She almost yelled to him.

"Come on, it's Beni's band. I told him I'd bring you along." Kyo looked at his watch.

"Beni?" She laughed slightly. "He has a band?"

"Of course he does. Come on, then. So are you going to go?" Kyo asked impatiently.

"For Beni, yes. Other than that-I wouldn't be going at all." She finally gave in.

"Well, hurry up! It's going to start at 11:00!" Kyo yelled out to Yuki, who headed upstairs to get ready.

"Don't worry, I will!" She yelled back. Kyo sighed with slight frustration.

"That woman is killing me..." Kyo mumbled to himself. "Sheesh."

XDXDXD

The lights shown down at the band on stage. Surprisingly, there were a lot of people at the club that night. The band was tuning their guitars, and getting ready. A blonde came up to the microphone, with sweat already running down this face. The place was surprisingly hot.

"All right..." He trailed off to look at the man next to him, who held a guitar. "Let's start this up. We're called Faible A...let's hope you like what we've got in store for you." Benimaru moved away from the microphone. Ash waved to the crowd.

"How are you guys doing tonight?" He asked.

"Yea!" The crowd shouted.

"_Commençons_!"(T: _Let's begin_!)

**Delirium Trigger**

"_We're now, up here alone. Terror on the intercom, can someone save us? Systems malfunction, blast it this damn machine. Over and out captain. Something lurks, creeps on the counter top, somewhere behind you! Parasitic cyst, I can't stand to watch-it's coming up and out of your chest."_ Ash looked into the crowd for a moment.

"_Remem-ber when we were young...sit up, right on the table! A photograph, of earth feeding me a way back. Frightened I tear alone, or maybe not-the the only one there...hello?... hello...when it rings will you answer? There, corner tall short stance-it's you. Come on kill me!" _Ash then almost whispering made out the next words.  
"_You made a good friend to me...but while you were outnumbered and torn...they made us do things..." _The song began to rise.

"_Oh dear god, I don't feel aliiiiive! When you're cut short of misery, will you pray it be the eeend? Give a look surprise! Wide eyed to me, then you'll know just what I aaaam! The scare that triggers your fear, come know me in a different light, now! Come know me as god!"_ The song slowed as Ash began to almost whisper again.

"_You made a good friend to me...but while you were outnumbered and torn...they made us do things...to you..." _The song seemed to almost be relaxing as they awatied Ash to start singing again. With the almost whispering voice, he began.

"_Run sand hourglass...in my time, will I be worth? Spin 'round carousel...when your horse isn't screwed in..." _The song rose slowly, Ash waited patiently, then began to sing loudly.

"_Oh dear God, I don't feel aliiiive! When you're cut short of misery! Will you pray it be the eeeend? Give a look surprise! Wide eyed to me! (raise forth lost cause) Then you'll know just what I aaam_!

"_Subtle demise the legitimate cry_..." Benimaru sang while Ash finished his sentence.

"_The scare that triggers your fear! Come know me in a different light, now! Come know me as god! (raise forth lost cause)_

The band quickly switched places, then began with Benimaru in lead vocals. The guitars instantly started up, then Benimaru leaned onto the microphone to sing.

**Carving Oswego**

"_So this is how it is, without your love, so this is per-fectly fitting, that I sense your body rising up, you're a comfort to taste, but I wake to no one there..." _The song slowed a little. "_So you're tracing over..." _Benimaru looked into the crowd, only to moments later, close his eyes in almost bliss. _"...all these curves cut in you...so you traced them all to me." _The song started up again Ash joined in the singing.

"_And I'm afraid!"_

_"That it's out on me, and it's all so clear now-the word is out on me, that I'll finally be found!" _The chorus began, and the rise of the guitars began once again. _"Somebody's tracing over! Somebody's dragging over! Somebody's tracing over me!" _Benimaru slowed for a second, then the guitars began again. _"Tracing over...me..._"

"_This is how, it is without you. You are the tap that's reaching me! Volcano eyes, that keep me warm! I turn for heat, but I wake to no one there..." _The song began to slow again, where Benimaru began to sing, almost softly again. "_So you've traced my number..." _He had his eyes closed again. _"So you've gathered it all up... So you're catching up to me."_

_"And I'm afraid!"_

_"That it's out on me, and it's all so clear now-the word is out on me, that I'll finally be found!"_

_"Somebody's tracing over! Somebody's dragging over! Somebody's tracing over me! Somebody's tracing over me!" _The guitars rose, and so did the drumming. _"...Somebody's tracing over me, somebody's tracing over-traaacing over, traaacing over, traaacing over, traaacing over-Tracing on the line that made me, tracing on the line that made me, tracing on the line, that made me, free..." _The song ended...and everyone seemed to like it. Benimaru signaled to the whole band, and they began a next song.

"This is called **_Superstitions in Travel_**." He said before they began to sing.

"_We're keeping up the fiction...and breaking all the mirrors...We're bringing our own troubles...By neglecting the cracks we walk on...The daystar is burning..." _Benimaru looked lost in his own music as he sang. _"In this black coffin we move in." _He took a quick breath, then continued. _"We tried to make it work out...hundreds of miles apart. You are, the luckiest symbol I've ever found and I'm a world away. We are the final students, in the dying art of lost astrology. You are the bright-est single, shining star I saw from miles away. You are, the luckiest symbol, I've ever found, and I'm a world away..." _The guitars began to rise, and the chorus began.

_"It's superstitious! But I keep on wishing! On all the falling! Stars on hold for me! You keep on pulling, and causing tension! But you're the magnet!" _The song slowed once again. Ash joined in the singing.  
_  
"If we never find the way home...I'd be more than lost without you...And to all the skeptic onlookers...We should have never made it this far."_

_"It's superstitous! But I keep on wishing! On all the falling! Stars on hold for me! You keep on pulling, and causing tension! But you're the magnet, grabbing hold of me!" _The guitars and the bass seemed to mesmorize all the people as the song neared to its end. _"...It's superstitious, but I keep on wishing! On all the falling! Stars on hold for me! You keep on pulling, and causing tension! But you're the magnet!" _

"Thank you..." Benimaru looked at Ash, who nodded. They began another song.

**Character**

"_I rage this war against myself, and I'm not the only casualty-no ones leaving this play alive, this play of mass tranquility...curtain call and then I walk-curtain drops I stumble fall. Tripped by my material needs, I look out to the gawking creed. Silent whisper becomes a roar-I pick myself up off the floor, and I was forced to bow down to a crowd laughing at me, I rage this war against myself, and I'm not the only casualty-take ten paces back and fire, and see who falls first to their knees. I rage this war against myself! Take ten paces back and fire, and see who falls first to their knees. Don't hunt the man, thats lost his feelings because he will die, alone and waking-waiting for someone to serve him, but I'll bite the hand that tries to feed me..." _Benimaru almost smiled into the crowd, despite the angst lyrics that he was sharing.

"_And I raise my hand...high above the others, in the call for truth. But invisible boy can't speak. He sits awake at night, with all these feelings-can they have some meaning. What am I trying to prove, we raise our hands-for the fight, the fight in which we'll lose-this blind man wont, lead the blind because this blind man knows no more than you." _He began to scream into the mircrophone.

_"We pray for change, but I can't pray! A heart worth none in this senseless age! A fortress lost, in one short toss ashes to ashes we all fall. What a surprise! When you look in my eyes-did you expect something more from me! This grand disguise! Look in my eyes, is it not what a mans suppose to be! Look in my eyes, disguise. Teach a boy just what to be! Look in my eyes, disguise. You prayers took this freedom...locked from me, locked from me, this freeeedom. Locked from me, locked from me-is this freedom on his knees, this child lies, locked from me, locked from me, is this freedom on his knees, this chile lies. Locked from me, locked from me..." _The song ended, with the applause from everyone.

"All right...thanks. So, what should we do now?" Benimaru asked the crowd.

"Another song!" The crowd yelled.

"Shall we?" Benimaru laughed. Ash took over the lead vocals once more.

"We'll end this with a song I've been working on for years now...so...let's start." They began loudly, with Ash singing almost instantly.

**Inertiatic Esp**

"_Now I'm lost! Now I'm lost! Now I'm lost! Now I'm lost!"_

"_Last night I heard lepers. Flinch like birth defects. It's musk was fecal in origin, as the words dribbled off of its chin. It said, I'm lost, I'm lost_."

"_Now I'm lost! Now I'm lost! Now, I'm lost! Now I'm lost! Now I'm lost, Now I'm lost!" _

"_Dolls wreck the minced meat of pupils. Cast in oblong arms length. The hooks had been picking their scabs, where wolves hide in the company of men." _

"It said, I'm lost, I'm lost."

_"Now I'm lost! Now I'm lost! Now I'm lost! Now I'm lost! Now, I'm lost! Now I'm lost! _

"Are you peeking in the red?...Perforated at the neck...what of this mongrel architect  
A broken arm of sew's set, past present and future tense, clipside of the pinkeye fountain. A broken arm of sew's set, past present and future tense, clipside of the pinkeye fountain." The song almost stopped with the guitars still going in the background.

"_Now I'm lost! Now I'm lost! Now I'm lost! Now I'm lost_!" The song slowed.

"_It's been said... long time ago, you'll be the first and last to know. huuh, you'll never know. Huuuh, You'll never know..." You'll never know...You'll never know..." _The song ended, then they gave the last thanks.

XDXDXD

_Minutes later..._

"Man, that was awesome! We haven't re-played a song yet!" Benimaru sounded excited.

"Well, maybe because we only play about four per concert..." Ash spoke up from inside the car.

"It was great, anyway." Brodey finished loading his equipment.

"Oui...it was." Ash yawned.

"Don't tell me you're tired." Brodey shook his head.

"No...we just need to go home. We'll meet you guys later." Benimaru responed for him.

"All right. You sure you don't need a ride home?" He asked.

"No, you guys go on ahead." Benimaru smiled lightly.

"All right. We'll see you guys later." He started up the car, then they left. Benimaru saw Kyo and Yuki walking up to them in the distance.

"Yo, Beni!" Kyo yelled. Benimaru waved, looking at Ash.

"Better straighten up." He told Ash. "We can't show that we're actually tired." He laughed, punching Ash on the shoulder playfully. Ash only nodded.

"Hey, man!" Kyo finally met up to where they were standing, Yuki was behind him. "That was awesome! Where in the heck did you guys learn to play like that?" Kyo seemed amazed.

"Practice." They both answered at the same time.

"Yea, with time and practice." Benimaru repeated.

"Well, shall we go home?" Kyo asked, noticing the tired look on both of their faces.

"Let's go." Ash answered almost immediately. Benimaru looked at him with slight confusion. (What's up with him?) He thought to himself. (Oh well...I'll ask him later) He decided. They all piled into Kyo's car, and headed for what they called 'home'...

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD

All right...so what'd you guys think? Please leave me a review! XD I don't think you guys will get the songs unless you listen to them-so go out and search for these songs! I know that maybe some of you know at least one of them...maybe. lol Later, peace:D


	16. Interview

Okay...let's just start this!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SNK characters...blah,blah,blah...

Chapter 16: Interview...

Ash POV

Months have passed since the incident-and we're doing fine so far. We've...actually, gotten pretty big. Well, our band has, anyway. I'm still as short as I was a year ago. It's great to know that people are actually listening to our music. It...feels refreshing somehow. Today will be one of our first big interviews-sure, we've been interviewed-but by small music broadcasters. Benimaru says that this one interview could mean everything for us. Maybe it will. Who knows? This time, it'll be by television. I'm not sure if I'll be ready for this.

"Ready?" He asks me, a slight smile on his face.

"I think..." I respond uneasily.

"Don't worry. Just think of it as talking to another one of those small broadcasting people. It'll be great." He tells me. Right...it's easy for him to say.

"Come on in!" We suddenly hear a voice.

"Come on." Benimaru offers me his hand. I take it weakly. Dieu, I feel as if I'm going to pass out for some reason...

We head inside the interview room, where there are cameras, and lights. Holy...

"Sit down, please." The man says with a confident smile. Somehow...I know this will lead to something bad...I just know it.

"Okay, we start in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1." The camera man whispers the last three numbers, then I see the red light come on from the camera. I try to ignore it...let's hope that I don't screw up...

XDXDXDXDXDXD

Dan: I'm here with our recent break through band that has made it big in these past few months. Joining me today are Benimaru Nikaido, and Ash Crimson, the switch off lead singers of the band. All right guys, tell me how you feel about all of this attention.

Benimaru: It feels...good. I think that we've finally reached at turning point in our lives. -he responds easily-

Dan: Why do you feel that it is a turning point? To the band, or personally?

Benimaru: Personally. We've been through some bad things in the past-maybe we're clearing that all up now. It all feels different.

Dan: I see. So, how would you describe your music?

Benimaru: I don't know. Whatever they'd want to call it-as long as it's not something that will get us a bad rep. or anything. -laughs-

Dan: -laughs with him- I agree on that. There's hardly a way to describe you guys. Explain to me how this idea began.

Benimaru: It was actually Ash's idea. He was the one who suggested-since we prefer our own styles of singing.

Dan: Is it difficult?

Benimaru: Yes. We just try to satisfy everyone's taste in the band. We let them get a chance in writing the music in their own way-which sometimes, can be very frustrating-but in the end, we like the results.

Ash: What's not difficult is to deal with the drummer. He'll play anything. He likes the fast drumming. We think it fits perfectly with our style.

Dan: Tell me about how you two managed the lyrics.

Ash: We just get it from our minds. Off of experiences, and write about it. Most of the times, they are bad ones that we need to let out. Benimaru does great with his vocals-they're moving, while mine, in some way are more of an upbeat...more intense in some way.

Dan: Basically, it all comes very easily to you, am I right?

Benimaru: Yea. It comes from-like Ash said, our experiences, and our emotions.

Ash: We try to let all of the band members feel as if they're part of it all, and let them express themselves as much as they can. What's the point in working with a band if not everyone's satisfied? We, actually had some difficulty writing most of the songs dealing with when I took over the lead vocals.

Benimaru: It was actually having to deal with Ash playing the bass as he was singing. He isn't really used to doing that at the same time-so he had to get used to it.

Ash: Definately. I had to learn how to be a multitasker. -smiles mischeiveously-

Dan: That definately takes some practice, indeed. So, how do you guys feel about playing again sometime soon?

Ash: Well, we'll play soon-but we're not sure when.

Benimaru: It'll be soon, though. We'll inform you all about it. Most of our shows have been free shows, and we'd like everyone to join us in our next free show.

Dan: Well, that's great. Hook me up with the date later.

Benimaru: Of course. -smiles-

Dan: Well, this is all the time we have for today. Thanks to both of you for joining me in this wonderful interview. -shakes hands with both of them-

Ash: Thank you.

Benimaru: It was a pleasure. Thanks.

Dan: No, thank you. All right, until the next time, people!

XDXDXDXDXD

The interview finally ended. Ash was relieved-relieved that he hadn't stumbled on words. They would edit it, wouldn't they? Ash wondered. He shrugged, then followed Benimaru to the bus stop.

"We really need to start planning the dates." Ash suggested.

"Nah...we'll surprise everyone. It's a free show, anyway." Benimaru smiled.

"Right...well, anyway, what are we going to eat?" Ash asked. His growling stomach reminded him suddenly.

"Let's go to some restaurant. Thai sounds good right about now..." Benimaru trailed off to yawn. The bus arrived, then stopped at the bus stop, where Benimaru and Ash stood.

"Bon. Anything right now-let's go." Ash quickly got onto the bus. Benimaru followed right behind him, a small smile on his face. (This was easier than I thought...maybe there will be turning points for us after all...but will they all be good turning points...?) Benimaru thought as he took a seat next to Ash on the crowded bus.

"A new beginning..." Benimaru murmured.

"What?" Ash looked at him with a confused look on his face.

"Nothing." Benimaru smiled. "I was just talking to myself. Haven't gone crazy yet, have I?" Benimaru asked him with a wink. Ash smiled in his own response.

"Nope...not yet..."

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD

Okay...short, kinda boring chapter-but oh well! XD Better than nothin'! Anyway, I'll resume to kil-err, I mean...giving these characters some affection and stuff in these later chapters...anyway, please review! Thanks if ya do! XD Here's a short thanks to the reviewers who got to review the last chapter...or just the first...hehehe

**_Marisol:_** Hey, what's up? If you ever get to this part of the story, that is. lol XD I hope you spend your marrige well...whenever you do get married! I hope it all turns out all right for you! Thanks for reading the first chapter-at the least. I appreciate it! XD

**_Silverquickstar: _**Hey, thanks for the review...I'll try something out...before tragety strikes. lol You'll see. XD Thanks!

**_axel: _**Hey! You finally reviewed! XD Must be why it's so hot today...damn...like, 91 degrees out there...I hate hot weather. lol Anyway, thanks for the review. You actually knew some of the songs! lol I know the one by The Mars Volta...have you downloaded any of the songs yet? XD Thanks for the review! XD


	17. Finding

Okay...I'm going to give you guys another short chapter. Though, for some of you...it'll be quite a surprise to know who they meet next. lol Well...maybe not, but anyway, let's get onto it! Please read and review! XD

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SNK characters used in my fics...

Chapter 17: Finding...

"Tell me again why we're going to this alley?" Ash sounded a bit annoyed.

"There are other things besides shooting and violence there, ya know." Benimaru smiled.

"Like what?"

"Like...cool people, I guess. I don't know..." Benimaru smiled. "I just want to try something different."

"Hmm." Ash still didn't have a clue.

After a while of walking, they came up to a group of fighters who were-

"Fighting...just as I thought." Ash grumbled.

"Of course!" Benimaru seemed to beam.

"But-" Ash pointed to the two men fighting. "There's blood!"

"And..." Benimaru looked at him with slight confusion.

"And it's blood! I'd hate to get my clothes stained with it!" He shuddered.

"You're not going to fight. We're just watching!" Benimaru informed him.

"Still!" He flinched as one of the men got hit in the jaw. "There will be blood shed." He stepped back a couple of feet.

"Fine..." Benimaru signaled him to follow. They walked around, drugs were practically being passed around to everyone. They came to a stop once they saw a man, playing a guitar to some homeless children, who were sitting in a circle.

"See?" The man stopped playing, then handed it to one of the boys. "Now you try." He stood from the worn chair, then cracked his nuckles. Ash stared at him, watching as he headed to a crowd.

"Where's he going?" Ash mumbled.

"Don't stare too hard, now." Benimaru smirked. Ash punched him on the shoulder.

"He's going to fight for some money." Benimaru replied. (Why couldn't I do this as a job?) He thought.

"Come on, then." Ash headed over to the crowd.

"800 yen...that's if you can win against my brother, here." A man smirked, pointing to his brother, who looked like he could crush the whole crowd if he wanted to.

"Don't worry about that...I won't let ot happen." The other man smiled easily, cracking his knuckles yet again. The blonde haired man threw the first punch. It came to contact with the big man's jaw. Angered, the man took hold of the blonde man's arm, and twisted it back. Benimaru swore he could hear bones cracking.

"I'm gonna break your arm in two!" The large man twisted it back even more. The blonde man winced, but didn't give in. _(This is just getting started) _He quickly made a move that got him out of the other man's grasp, and kicked him in the gut.

"It's all blubber! That's what I thought!" He kicked the man again, this time in the face. He resumed to kicking him in the groin, all in the process of punching him in the face again. The big man fell to the ground with a big thud. Was it over? It couldn't be, could it? It had barely began...

"Hand over the money, a deal is a deal." The blonde man smirked.

"There isn't a deal...those were all cheap shots." The man's brother pocketed the money.

"Oh, really?" The blonde man took hold of the other man's shirt, getting in his face. "I'd like to see you try to fight me. You're letting your fat ass brother fight for you, aren't you? You're too scared to fight." The blonde man took the money out of the man's pocket. He let go roughly, then walked away. He suddenly heard a click beside his head.

"Give it back, or I'll blow your head off, fucker!" Another man held a gun to his head. Ash bit his lip nervously. (_I have to do something_...) He was in desperate need for an idea. It suddenly came to him. He quickly charged at the man, and kicked the gun out of his hand.

"Run!" He told Benimaru and the blonde man. He took Benimaru's arm, and pulled him along.

"Come back here, bastards!" The man had retrieved his gun, and was now aiming at them. Shots were heard from the alley. The kids, too had run with them. A desperate escape was what they needed. They ran until they nearly collapsed, and the gun shots stopped. Had they lost them? Trying to catch his breath, Benimaru turned Ash around to face him.

"Are you crazy?" He told him breathlessly. "We could have gotten killed!" He hugged him. "Kami, you were lucky you didn't get shot-did you?" Benimaru parted the hug, and was now searching for bullet wounds.

"Relax...those idiots can't aim worth crap." The blonde man replied suddenly. Benimaru turned around quickly. "Thanks for saving my life back there." He told Ash.

"It was nothing." He smiled.

"Here." He handed them a few wadded up yen bills.

"We can't take that-" Ash began, but Benimaru snached it from the man's hands.

"Of course we can!" Benimaru pocketed the money.

"You guys aren't from around here, are you?" The man smirked, noticing their clothes-they were in almost perfect condition.

"No." Benimaru replied.

"My name's Terry." He held out his hand. Ash shook it gradually.

"My name is Ash. And this is Benimaru." He told him. Terry shook Benimaru's hand.

"You know, you guys are all right." Terry complimented. "I was just earning some money for these kids." He ruffled one of the little boy's hair. "They need me." He smiled.

"That's a nice thing to do for them." Ash smiled back. One of the boys stared at Ash, then tugged at Terry's pants.

"Terry-san. Is that a girl?" He asked. Ash frowned, hearing the question.

"I'm a man!" He told him.

"So am I." Benimaru added in before they said something else.

"So are you gay?" An older boy asked.

"No!" Ash and Benimaru said at the same time.

"Of course not!" Ash replied nervously. "We're just under disguise!" He lied, looking at Beni for reassurance. Benimaru only shrugged.

"You sure do sound gay..." The boy looked unconvinced. Ash's head boiled. (_This kid is really getting on my nerves...) _

"Be nice." Terry slapped him across the side of the head.

"Yes, Terry-san." The boy rubbed his head.

"What brings you guys over here, anyway?" Terry asked.

"I..." Benimaru trialed off. "...Actually, I really don't know..." He smiled sheepishly.

"Don't ask me. HE was the one who wanted to come into an alley...Dieu knows what else they did in there..." Ash grumbled. Now he knew that he didn't have a chance with this Terry person.

"Well, I'd be dead if you didn't happen to come by. So thanks for your stupidity and wondering around these dangerous alleys." Terry told them. "Anyway, I'll see you guys around. I've gotta go back to my girlfriend...and take these kids to some shelter." He signaled them to follow.

"Girlfriend..." Ash grumbled.

"Yea. We'll see ya!" Benimaru waved off, then placed an arm around Ash's shoulders.

"I'm sure you'll find someone to love someday." He smirked.

"Shut up..." He sighed. "Let's go back to the appartment. I want something to drink." He shrugged Benimaru's hand away. (I need some wine...) He grumbled mentally.

"Sounds good." Benimaru smirked, then followed Ash back to the bus stop.

XDXDXDXDXD

Benimaru POV

Late at night...I still wonder...what could I have done? To prevent it? Could I have done anything to save her? Was there someting I could have done? Was I just seconds late? Seconds I wasted? I just don't know anymore...

_("Why couldn't you save her?...you're as useless as I thought...no one in the right mind would want to live with a whore like you...") _I...suddenly hear those voices again...those voices that keep telling me that I'm a failure...that I don't deserve to live...why? Why do they come back to me? Oh...that's right...they only haunt me when I'm drunk...when I've got nothing else better to do than to think of the past. _ (The past experiences are mistakes that you can later learn from...) _I hear another distant voice...but...I pay no attention to it...as...it's the positive one...and I can only bare to listen to the negative ones...because...they are right...they're always right...

XDXDXDXDXDXD

Okay...yet, another short one. XD I hope you guys liked it! Anyway, I'd appreciate it if you left a review...someday...I get some hits, and no reviews! What's up with that! XP Anyway...until I update again. Later!


	18. Expectations

Here's the next chapter...I hope you review...it's short...and...short. Nothin' else much to it. XD

_NumaNumaNuma: _Umm...I've already got it all planned out...so...no more Bogard in this one. lol In my fics...yes-they are mainly gay-in the game...meh...I'd say about the same. lol XD Thanks for the review! XD

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SNK characters...

Chapter 18: Expectations...

Benimaru POV

I'm there...it's happening all over again...I don't want to watch...but I am, in the midst of all the fog...it's so real.

"Kaylee!" I scream out, dragging myself over to her bloodied body. Too weak to stand...not because I'm hurt...no, that's not the reason...it's because I can't stand seeing her there, all bloodied...and...

I feel them pulling me away from her.

"No! Let me go!" I scream out.

"There was nothing you could do to save her! Come on son!" I hear one of the men yell to me. No...there had to be a way...there HAD to be... He finally manages to pull me off of her, I see them carrying her onto the stretcher.

"There's still time!" The paramedics yell out.

"Its...all my fault...all...my fault..." I mumble slowly. I feel the tears running down my cheeks, and into my bloodied hands. _Her _blood...

"Beni..." I hear a distant voice. "Beni?" I hear it again, then feel a soft hand caressing my forehead. I awake to reality, and see Ash there, looking at me with a concerned look on his face.

"Are you okay?" He asks me. I feel dried tears on my cheeks...and I can still feel her dried blood on my hands...

I only nod, watching as he leaves to the bathroom. He comes back with some alcohol, and some cotton. Why? I watch as his hands take my own. They're...bloodied. I notice that I have dug my nails into my skin...the blood is still flowing slowly...I feel the sting of the alcohol...or is it guilt? He finally stops, then bandages my palms. I look at him. He has a small smile on his face.

"It'll all be okay...I'm here..." He whispers. I see his face near my own...but I can't let that happen. I turn my head away, gently pushing him away from me. Seeing as that's what I've done to everyone who tries to help me...Why can't I just let it be? I can't let him get attached to me...I fear that...I'll loose him...like I did with Kaylee...When will I ever be ready...?

XDXDXDXD

Ash POV

Why did he reject my offer? My offer...to help him out...What is his problem? I don't understand...did he loose someone? Did something happen to him? He may try to hide it, but I know he's trying to get at something...but what?

I slide off the bed, attempting to not let him see that the rejection affected me.

"I'm sorry..." I hear him mumble just before I enter the bathroom. I close it shut, then look at myself in the mirror. _(Isn't it time to end this? End this pathetic life? You've got nothing to loose. Don't you see? No one likes you...he doesn't like you...) _I hear that voice whisper to me.

"Don't worry...it'll all end soon..." I tell the voice, gripping the cool, metal razor. Is this the right time? To end it now?

I suddenly hear a knock on the bathroom door. I wince, noticing the blood. I drop the razor, then look at my bleeding finger. Is this...what I want?

"Ash?" I hear his muffled voice outside the bathroom door. I only close my eyes tightly. Why should I respond to his voice? "Ash, please. Open up." I hear him turn the door knob. Useless...I've left it unlocked. He opens it, looking at me. He notices blood.

"What'd you do?" He takes my hand roughly.

"You...startled me." I tell him.

"What were you going to do?" He demands. I feel the grip from his hand grow tighter. When I don't respond, he pushes me onto the wall, screaming, demanding...

"What in the hell were you thinking?" He tells me. "What was that razor for?" I hear him demand...demand an answer. "Answer me!" He pushes me further into the wall.

"I..." I trail off as he puts his arms around me, crying into my shoulder. Why? Why is he doing this?

"Don't you ever try that again...I'll never forgive you for it..." He tells me clearly. "I don't want to loose you, too..." After that, all I hear are his soft sobs into my shoulder. I bring my arms around him slowly...I feel the tears rushing down my own face. What...what was I thinking? How did he know?

"I won't..." I whisper. "I won't..." It's not up to me to decide...is it?

XDXDXDXD

Months later...

"Okay, okay." Benimaru sighed.

"Great!" Ash exclaimed.

"Are you sure we're up to this? It's a free concert...anyone can come in." Benimaru mumbled nervously.

"Don't be such a worry wart, Benimaru-kun...you know that it's just a concert. Surely, there's nothing to loose." Ash replied with a small smirk.

"I guess you're right..." Benimaru sighed.

"You know...you showed me something that night..." He reffered to that night full of pain...pain awaiting to let out...

"Like what?" Benimaru looked at him.

"Like...to live life to the fullest...until that time comes..." Ash trailed off.

"I guess..." Benimaru looked away from him. Ash sighed, then continued.

"Well, come on, then. Let's call up the band members...this show might be what we've been wanting to experience..."

XDXDXDXDXDXD

Oooh...we're getting close...close to the end here. lol I know, I know...short chapters...meh...well, the next one, I'll tell ya...is gonna be the chapter that-nah. I'll let you figure it out for yourselves. XD Please review!


	19. Let go

Find out what happens in this chapter...surely...you'll be very shocked. XD Please read and review!

Whee! A review! Thanks to _Silverquickstar_ for reviewing the other chapter! XD Well...like I said...you'll be shocked at what's going to happen...read on if you dare...XD

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the SNK characters...I'd be making this really happen if I did. XD  
Songs disclaimer:  
_Calvary Song_ by _Elliott  
Everything Evil_ by _Coheed and Cambria_

Chapter 19: _Let go..._

_Weeks later..._

"Are you nervous?" Benimaru asked Ash, who was looking out the window of the car. They had just arrived to where they were destined to play late that night.

"No, not at all...I'm more than ready." Ash told him with a weak smile.

"Come on, then." Benimaru smiled. "This has to be our best convert." He slid out of the car, which was packed with the band equiptment. It had began to rain softly. Ash got out, then helped with the equipment. (He seems quiet today...I wonder what's up?) Benimaru bit his lip with slight nervousness. Once they were out of the rain, and inside the back of the stage, Benimaru went up to Ash slowly.

"Hey, what's up?" He told him. Ash yawned.

"Nothing...just sleepy, that's all." He answered.

"You sure?" Benimaru asked with concern.

"Yes. Come on, then. Don't we want to make this our best show? Let's show them what we've got." Ash smiled.

"Yea. You're right." Benimaru smiled back. "Let's get started."

XDXDXD

_At concert: 10:52PM_

"_Simple seams," _Benimaru began with a slight smile. _"With single lines, that operate, with poised percision. We'll orchestrate, and bend with time...and all the strings, will fade with fury." _He turned to look at Ash for a moment. _"Laced with light, all divine, the angels sing what is rippled runs in circles, all combined, which bleeds the seams of sin and sancitity." _The song began to rise with the chorus.

"_And we'll lay low! 'Till it's close to call!" _Ash began to sing his part.

_"We'll search to sever the calvary song!"_

_"We'll look for signs, of flashing lights!"_

_"We'll search to sever the calvary!" _Benimaru began again, and the music slowed.

_"Send down circles, that won't subside. In reverence, we search to find. These compact people, with sloped designs. We slip on in, and learn to drive." _Benimaru closed his eyes, feeling as the music took over. _"These slimmed down people, with molded lines. We shape and bend, we modify. Amorphic people, are soon defined..." _The song began to rise once more.

_"And we'll lay low! 'Till it's close to call!" _Benimaru screamed into the microphone, while Ash neared his own to sing his part again.

_"We'll search to sever the calvary song!"_

_"We'll look for signs, of flashing lights!"_

_"We'll search to sever the calvary!"_

_"Lay it over...lay it on, lay it over, lay it on, lay it over..." _The song seemed to stop. Benimaru and Ash began to sing softly.

_"We'll search to sever the calvary...we'll search to sever the calvary song...we'll search to sever the calvary-" _The song began to rise again.

_"We'll search to sever the calvary! We'll search to sever the calvary song!" _Benimaru took a quick breath. _"And we'll lay low! "Till it's close to call!" _Ash leaned up to the microphone.

_"We'll search to sever the calvary song!" _

_"We'll look for signs, of flashing lights!"_

_"We'll search to sever the calvary song!"_

_"In reverence, we search to find, the angel's sing, what is rippled runs in circles, all combined. Which bleeds the seams, of sin and sancitity." _The song ended, and Benimaru took a deep breath.

"Whoo! It's getting hot in here!" Benimaru wiped some sweat off his forehead. His hair was falling down from the heat. The hair, no longer in it's perfect staning form, made him feel frustrated. He continued on, anyway.

"Let's go on for more!" Benimaru quickly switched guitars, and Ash took over the lead vocals. They began again.

_"Wait for...everything evil in you, comes out. I'll, stay, when we'll only motivate sound instead, sergeant. Make for the table, in hopes that I won't be afraid again! Call when enable, and send the leader out against-I will. Stage a reenactment, in a false pretense exist inflict. Unworthy, unconsciousness-why, debate when the action's suppressed? Then kill the acquitted."_ Ash continued, closing his eyes.  
_"Listen, to the sounds that remain in question- In hopes to solidify a truce, amongst. The children, and the jury that stands the verdict-alive! Here among the dead!" _The chorus began.

_"E-volve! Monstar, show me the things that I've never want-ed done. E-vil! Monster, do to me the things I never wanted done." _

_"I!...I felt much better than this before...If they find out! To avoid, then the accidents kept hidden away. But if they stay . . ." _

In the crowd, Kyo recognized someone-so familiar. He couldn't quite put where he had seen this man until he saw a glimmer of light. _(No...)_

"No!" He shouted. Before Kyo could stop him, the shot was heard. It seemed to ring above the music, above all the cheering of the crowd. Ash stopped singing, he stopped playing the guitar to clutch his arm. Benimaru looked at him, then frowned. He was confused as to why he had stopped so suddenly.

"What's wrong?" Benimaru asked. He noticed blood running down Ash's arm. He then saw the commotion in the crowd. Kyo had knocked the man down, and the gun was somewhere, scattered on the ground within the crowd. By this time, the music had stopped, and everyone looked confused. Benimaru sensed a stomach tightening feeling. His insticts told him to look up. As he did so, he saw a flash of metal, a figure up the stage. His eyes widened.

"Ash!" Benimaru put himself in fromt of Ash, then another gun shot was heard. Benimaru felt a piercing pain in his shoulder. He felt Ash lean onto him before slipping off him, and onto the stage floor. Benimaru's eyes widened again. The bullet had pass through...to Ash's chest. Ash lay on the ground, gasping for air...his eyes widened, scared. Benimaru kneeled onto the ground as he felt a sudden piercing pain in his leg. He relized that they had shot another time. His leg gave away completely, there were shouts everywhere.

"Beni!" Kyo climbed the stage. He looked up to where the shooter had been hiding. There was no one there anymore. _(I'm going to get that other bastard!) _Kyo thought.

"Hold on, Beni." He stood up quickly "Get a damn ambulance!" He yelled to a group of people just watching...watching as the blood flowed onto the stage. Where had the other band members gone? Somewhere safe...yes, that had to be it. Benimaru crawled to Ash, who lay there, looking up at the ceiling.

"Ash." Benimaru took him into his arms, despite of his own throbbing wounds.

"Benimaru..." Ash sounded faint. Benimaru realized that the stage had gotten quieter somehow. Benimaru saw the chest wound, then another into his stomach. The blood flowed...his life flowed. Just how many bullets had they shot? "Benimaru-kun..." Ash reached out with his bloodied hand, reaching out to touch him. "...Live your dreams...get what you want..." Ash swalloed back his own blood. Benimaru took Ash's hand tightly.

"No...you can't...you can't leave me." Benimaru watched as the sage floor was being painted with red...

Benimaru ignored hos pain, managing to lift Ash up. The blood poured out even faster.

"Aghh!" Ash screamed out in pain.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." Benimaru hugged him close. He buried his face into Ash's hair. His eyes widened-he suddenly felt a pain in his arm. Ash was holding onto Benimaru's arm. The pain seemed to course all through his whole arm, up until his wounded shoulder. He grinded his teeth together, tears flowing down his face, and into Ash's hair. "Listen..." Benimaru mumbled, to where only Ash could hear. "You can't leave me..."

"It looks like...I don't have any other choice, do I?" Ash managed to whisper.

"Don't say that." Benimaru's ahnd gripped tightly around Ash. He felt how his other arm had gone numb. Was that how Ash felt? Or was it all just pain? He heard Ash gasp at the tightness. "The ambulance will be here any moment-you _have_ to hang on." Benimaru looked up. Kyo was rushing towards them.

"I caught that bastard. I caught that son of a bitch." Kyo told him. He was soaking wet. He looked around suddenly, remembering. "Where in the fuck is the ambulance?"! Kyo shouted.

"I called. They should be here any moment now!" A woman told him. Kyo nodded, then looked at Benimaru with Ash.

"See? You have to hold on..." Benimaru trailed off. He looked at Ash's pale face...his life was almost drained out of him...on the floor, on his clothes. He realized that Ash looked lifeless. (No...)

"Ash? Ash!" Benimaru trained to move his wounded shoulder. Ash opened his eyes weakly, and his lips curved into a small, weak smile.

"Don't worry, Benimaru..." He coughed, coughing up blood. He swallowed back what he could, taking hold of Benimaru's hand tightly. "This normal life, it's not so simple..." Benimaru's eyes widened. (_Those words...lyrics from my song_...) Ash held onto Benimaru's hand as his final moments passed...they seemed to have passed very slowly.

"No...Ash...please." Benimaru's tears began to flow again. He hugged him close.

"I'll die...but...I'm happy because you're here beside me...thank you for all your devotion, Beni-kun..._Je t'aime_..." He whispered the last words in French. Benimaru felt how Ash's hand let go slowly, his body shook all at once, then nothing...Ash was gone. His body was limp, heavy all of the sudden. Benimaru cried into Ash's blood-stained hair.

"Ash..." Benimaru mumbled. He looked at Ash, now lifeless. (_He left me...just like Kaylee...am I cursed? Why? Why God, why do you do this to me_?) Benimaru thought bitterly. "Ash! Come back, you bastard!" Benimaru yelled out, hugging Ash's now lifeless body close to his own. "You can't leave me!" He yelled out again. Pain soared through his whole body...his heart ached.

"Beni, he's gone." Kyo reached out to touch him.

"Don't touch him..." Benimaru looked into the empty space of the stage.

"Beni, he's dead!" Kyo shouted, snapping him to his senses.

"No..." He felt dizzy...was it the loss of blood? Or was it something else?

"You're loosing blood. Let's get you to where the ambulance is." A woman told him. He saw the flashing red and blue lights.

"They're too late..." Benimaru mumbled bitterly.

"Beni-" Kyo began, but the paramedics moved him out of the way. "It wasn't enough...it's all my fault..." Benimaru kept mumbling.

"We'll take him from here." The paramedics checked Ash's pulse.

"He's fucking dead." Benimaru told them.

"Time of death-11:48PM." The paramedic checked his watch. They took Ash away on a stretcher, and covered his body with the already bloodied white sheet. It was just like in the movies...Benimaru thought. When they're dead, they're nothing more than just a dead, bloodied body.

"Come on, son. You're loosing a lot of blood." The paramedics helped him onto a stretcher that carried him outside, to the pouring rain. He felt the cold rain hit his face, as if the rain was trying to get back at him...for failing. He was finally inside the ambulance, where Ash lay, covered in blood-soaked sheets...nothing more.

Benimaru closed his eyes, and tried to swallow back his saliva. It seemed like if it was guilt that he was taking back into his body...all over again, where the pain consumed_...(I...I couldn't save him...I couldn't save Kaylee...I can't even save myself...) _Benimaru thought, clentching his fist together. By this time, he didn't even want to move his right arm. His shoulder wound seemed to have paralyzed his whole arm into the pain...it was like venom running down to his hand. His right leg had gone numb with pain. The two holes in his leg didn't look too appealing. He was sure that the bullets had lodged into his leg. No, the one in his shoulder had gone straight through...into Ash's chest. _(Why? Why is it always me?) _Benimaru thought.

"Why?" He cried out softly. "Why..?"

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD

So...Benimaru lost someone...yet again. Man...I'm so evil sometimes. lol I bet you guys were surprised that he got killed there, eh? You just weren't sure which one was going to get killed at the moment. Muahahahahaha! XD OR...did you guys know all along? Meh...anyway, please send me a review...that would be most appreciated! XD

Translation:

_Je t'aime_: I love you


	20. The fall back

Someone _please_ review...

Disclaimer: I don't own the _SNK_ characters, and the lyrics to _Lowlight_ by _Time Spent Driving_.

Chapter 20: _The Fall back..._

Benimaru POV

At the hospital...

I have nothing to loose except the funeral. To my surprise, other than Kyo, I see Terry, the man we met not too long ago...and he's with his girlfriend...

_"Girlfriend..." _I remember Ash grumbling about her...

"Sorry about what happened..." Terry took hold of his girlfriend's hand, as she looked about to turn back to leave. "I saw it on the news..." He trails off while I close my eyes tightly...wishing that this could all fade away...that he would be back...

"I failed..." I tell him.

"I should've been there to save him...I owed him one." Terry shook his head, then spat. "I hope those men rot in prison." He was right...they had to...I'd make them...

"I've got to go to the funeral..." I tell him, wincing as I try to sit up. My shoulder hurts too much...I can't bare to move it much. My leg is another story...I refuse to try and move it at all.

"You can't." Kyo responded.

"I can...if I'm still alive and breathing...I sure as hell can." I grit through my teeth.

"He's right. We've gotta take him there." Terry spoke up.

"Fine..." Kyo sighed with slight frustration.

"Let's go, then." I wince, trying to sit up completely.

"Whitney...are you going with us?" Terry asked his girlfriend.

"I'll go." She responded, tightening her grip on Terry's hand. This makes me wonder if that would be how me and Kaylee would be right now...close...and in agreement...

XDXDXDXD

Ash's funeral...

It was time to say goodbye...nothing else was to be said...or was there? I'm the last one to walk up to the coffin-before they shut the coffin door forever-before they bury him...and here I am, limping toward the coffin, everyone expecting me to, because I was the closest to him...because he actually loved me...loved me? Does this mean anything to me? Does it? I can't feel that same love for him...or is it because of all this pain inside of me? Either way they all expect me to pay my final visit to him.

I've finally made my way up to his coffin, where he is there before me, looking peaceful...almost like if he's peacefully asleep. The make up hiding the paleness-the real truth. Why do people make it seem as if he died peacefully? He didn't...it wasn't meant to be...why couldn't they have killed me? I expect him to wake up any moment, for him to say that this is all some sick joke-but I wait there...the seconds, and the minutes pass by when I finally loose it.

"Wake up..." I whisper as tears run down my face. "Wake up!" I tell him, a little louder. I want him to hear me. "Wake up you son of a bitch!" I drop my crutch, and let it bang loudly against the church floor. I'm going to hell as we speak...talking like this inside a church. Everyone looks at me, everyone knows that I've had an emotional breakdown...

Kyo is at my side, trying to pull me away from him.

"Beni, come on." He pulls me away quite easily, reminding me that I stll have wounds to be healed...It's so easy for you, Kyo...isn't it? How would you know? I want to tell him. You've never lost anyone before...you don't know...I pull away from him, forcing my weak leg to walk up to his coffin once more. I lean down, and brush my lips with his cold cheek. A simple goodbye. A kiss...nothing else. I'm sure Yumi saw all of this...and I'm sure she doesn't care...

We exit the church doors, and prepare for the burial. Of course, I'm there, and my eyes won't stop watering...until it's time to watch him get buried. I watch now, emotionless as they cover his coffin with earth...then I plant a rose ontop of it all, saying a final farewell...I realize...I never got to tell him...I didn't get the chance to...will he find out somehow?

XDXDXDXD

Here's a new one...it's about you, Kaylee...I can't sing it now...I was planning to...but you know what happened to Ash...I can't stand to sing without him...maybe by myself, I can...but...not with the other band members. Will you ever forgive me for not being able to save you? To save another person? Am I really cursed? Can Ash forgive me? I failed to save him...just like I...just like I didn't save you...was it the seconds wasted? Was it me being mad at you that day? I can never forgive myself for that...those last words that you heard from me...

_"Go ahead and leave! You're just a fucking whore!"_ ...Am I paying for that? For saying those aweful words? It wasn't true...I knew...but...I don't know what came over me...

_Outside, I can see your breath  
But you're not there, and mine is hardly left.  
Twilight, feels the morning press  
Above, every star, is seamed with your duress.  
Inside, I can hear each step  
But they're not yours, a sleepless dream at best.  
As black skies, flow to auburn reds  
To wake the night and of me what is left.  
If I don't want to see you, it's because it hurts too much  
All this time spent wondering if I was just a crutch.  
Waiting for the day to kill this night, and carry with it you away forever. _

I put down the pen, looking out over the rain. It's raining again...just like that night...I want to...wash away my sins...if that's even possible...is it? Could I rid of this guilt...all of the sins I've committed? I think of myself being drenched in holy water...it'll burn...and I would be washed away...clean...

XDXDXDXDXDXD

Okay...these are kinda darker chapters...as you can see...and it might be that way for a while. We still have to reveal some secrets...but that'll be later on...so please review.


	21. Dirty Secrets

Please review!

_Silverquickstar:_ Thanks! XD Yea...Whitney and Terry...such a happy couple, isn't it? XD  
_NumaNumaIei: _Don't worry...like I explained...I will. XD Thanks!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SNK characters...

Chapter 21: _Dirty secrets_

Kyo hung up the phone after having dialed Benimaru's number again and again.

"Hmm...I wonder what's up?" Kyo frowned, but then remembered. (_Ash_...) It was weeks from the incident...but Benimaru was still acting as if it was all his fault.

"What is it?" Yuki asked sleepily. It was 8:45AM.

"I've gotta go." Kyo got up quickly, pulling on one of his shirts.

"Where are you going?" Yuki asked him. Kyo said nothing as he slipped on his shoes.

"I'll be back. I've got to make sure everything is all right with Beni. He's not answering his phone." Kyo finally said after having tied his shoes.

"Maybe he disconnected it?" Yuki suggested.

"No...he wouldn't do that...I'll have to go see." Kyo headed out the door without another word. He just hoped that Benimaru was okay...

XDXDXD

A few moments later, Kyo arrived at the appartment building. He quickly headed upstairs, and before he knew it, he was in front of Benimaru's apartment door. He knocked several times, but no one answered. (_Could he still be asleep_?) Kyo asked himself as he knocked again.

"Beni?" Kyo called through the door. "Are you there?" He knocked again. He sighed after getting no response. He tried the door knob. It was unlocked. He slipped inside quietly. The house seemed messy, like if Benimaru had trashed the whole place. Kyo knew something was horribly wrong.

"Beni?" He called out his name, but still got no response. He looked at the kitchen table. It was littered with books, and papers. He saw the one paper that was from a few days before. _He_ was in it. His eyes caught a light. He realized that it was the bathroom light. He spotted the door cracked open slightly. Was Benimaru in there? Had he done something to himself? Did he still feel guilty? Kyo rushed over to the bathroom, then opened it a little more.

"Beni?" Kyo looked inside. The sight left him in shock for a few moments. Seeing Benimaru's figure there, leaning against the wall, looking almost lifeless, and a pool of blood on the floor. He spotted a knife nearby. "Beni!" Kyo quickly reacted, rushing over to him immediately. He looked at Benimaru's pale face, his eyes were open, looking lifeless, and he wondered if he was still alive. Benimaru's shallow breaths told him otherwise. Kyo looked to Benimaru's slit wrist, staring at the knife a few inches away from Benimaru's hand.

"I tried doing it..." Benimaru mumbled suddenly. Kyo looked back up to his face. He wasn't looking at him, though. He seemed to be staring into the emptyness of the wall.

"Beni..." Kyo trailed off.

"...I tried doing it...but...I couldn't...I'm so helpless that I can't even kill myself..." Benimaru felt tears falling onto his arm, but he didn't feel them rushing down from this face. Everything seemed numb...

"Kami, Beni." Kyo tore off a strip of his shirt, then wrapped it around the slit wrist tightly to prevent anymore blood from flowing. It wasn't as deep, but it was still quite a gash. "Why do you do this to yourself?" Kyo asked him. "It wasn't your fault!" Kyo yelled out to him.

"How...?" Benimaru looked at him. "How was it not my fault?" He asked him.

"You didn't kill him! You didn't wish for his death!" Kyo yelled out again. He was sure everyone in the apartment had heard him by now. Kyo suddenly heard a laugh from Benimaru.

"If it wasn't for me, he'd still be alive!" Benimaru's voice cracked. He turned away, ashamed.

"He would've died anyway." Kyo stated. Benimaru looked at him, anger suddenly filled his face.

"Take it back..." Benimaru almost whispered. Kyo ignored him, and continued.

"He was a drug addict-he was playing in the band because he wanted money to get the drug!"

"Take it back, you son of a bitch!" Benimaru yelled out, trying feebly to punch at Kyo.

"No, I won't! It's true, Beni." Kyo now stood, looking at Benimaru on the ground, his arms wrapped around himself.

"...He didn't want to die..." Benimaru mumbled, the tears began to flow more rapidly. "He didn't ask for his death, Kyo! He was doing what he loved most!" Benimaru cried out, his voice cracking again. Kyo stayed quiet for a moment. "...It wasn't for the drugs..." Benimaru added a while later, Kyo slid down the wall slowly, sitting down on the cold tiled floor.

"You want to know something?" Benimaru didn't look at him as he said this. Neither did Kyo. They both seemed to be staring into empty spaces in-between the walls. "I'm a whore..." He whispered. Kyo looked at him, away from the empty space. He saw no difference...he still saw emptyness in Benimaru's face.

"Don't say that." Kyo's anger flaired inside of him. (_Why is he saying this? Doing this to himself?) _Kyo thought.

"I...I've been hiding it for a while now..." Benimaru ignored him. "...I'm a fucking whore..." Benimaru's voice deepened with anger toward himself.

"Benimaru-"

"That's why I never had anytime to hang out with you...I was earning money like a fucking slut...sleeping with other men..." Benimaru laughed bitterly. "All for what?" He had almost forgotten...but he couldn't tell Kyo...no, he couldn't say what the money was for.

"Shut up, Beni!" Kyo stood up, then walked over to him. "Why do you torture youself like this!"? Kyo lifted him up roughly by his arm.

"I'm a whore!" Benimaru yelled, despite the pain Kyo was causing him in his arm. "Why don't you believe me!"? Benimaru yelled out. Kyo realized that the look on his face was serious. He wasn't lying...Kyo let go of him in disgust.

"How...how in the hell could you do this to yourself?" Kyo asked him. "Sleeping with men...Kami, you are a whore...you're no better than Ash was..." Kyo realized.

"Kyo...stop..." Benimaru couldn't bare the pain Kyo was causing him inside.

"It's no wonder you two got along so well..."

"Kyo..."

"'Cause you two were fucked up in the head, that's why!" Kyo looked away, disgusted.

"Stop...saying...that..." Benimaru knew this day would come...where Kyo would no longer have pity for him, where he'd be in disgust toward him...when he revealed his dirty secrets...

Kyo shook his head, then headed out of his apartment room. Benimaru had nothing else to say...except that...he had lost another friend...was there anything else to live for? (_Yes_...) A voice told him. Where had that voice come from? Why hadn't that voice told him earlier? Told him what to do, and what not to do? (_That's right_...) Benimaru remembered bitterly...He had ignored that voice...

XDXDXD

Ooh...O.O I wonder what's gonna happen in later chapters? Man...I really feel sorry for what I'm letting them go through. Hehehe. Please review! XD


	22. Secrets Revealed

This chapter will finally reveal somethin' imporant. XD So...if you've been wondering...and this is the main point of my fic...here is the chapter where it all comes out. Secrets revealed...  
Please review! XD

_Silverquickstar:_ Yea, Beni got what was coming for him. lol You should! XD You two could cheer him up. lol Thanks for the review! Awesomely appreciated! XD

Discliamers: I don't own anything SNK, and the lyrics to the song, _Silhouettes and Pictures _by _Time Spent Driving_.

Chapter 22: Secrets revealed...

Months later...

I begin to write new songs...new songs that I can share with Ash...if he can hear, or read what I'm writing. I finish writing, then look at the words. I decide to sing softly...just as I used to.

_"These walls..." _I close my eyes slowly. _"Breathe so...softly...and cry so sweet. Whispers...silhouettes...and pictures. Cry so! I didn't have to hear a word! Not one moment goes unheard! I didn't have to hear a word!" _I try to think of how to pitch my voice next. I decide to keep these words soft. "_These hands move so...slowly. Are you asleep? Whispers...silhouettes...and pictures." _I raise my voice again. _"Cry so! I didn't have to hear a word! Not one moment goes unheard! I didn't have to hear a word! I know it has to be this way, but I'll still think about you! I always knew it would never be the same! But it won't be the same, without you..." _I lower my voice to almost a murmuring whisper. _These walls...breathe so...softly...and cry so sweet..." _

Now I wonder if I wrote this song about Kaylee...or Ash...can a song be written to two? I wouldn't know...maybe this one could. I finish packing my things, and finally move out of this crappy place...in which I call...crap. I look around, wondering if I should take Ash's things with me. I decide to, and pack a few more bags with his things in it. There wasn't much, since he was always so tidy. I look under the bed, and notice something in a bag. I take it out, and realize that it is. Had he been doing this behind my back? I knew he couldn't over come that addction...and...I still want to murder the men who took his life away from him...I hope they rot in prison. I hope they die...

"So you're moving out." I suddenly hear a gruff voice. Ed...that fucking bastard.

"Yes...I am." I respond with a slightly annoyed voice.

"It was about time. Now that your boyfriend is dead, you do, don't you?" I turn around quickly, then plunge the needle into his chest. I hope it had drugs in it.

"Argh!" I hear him scream out.(AN: Go Beni, go! XD XD XD)

"Don't you ever!" I pick him up by his shirt. "Talk like that about him...I cared about him, you understand? It's just not right that people can take who I love away from me!" I shout. I can already feel the tears streaming down my face. My voice breaks, wavering. "People don't have the right to abuse anyone, either. You're no different..." I let go of his shirt, but punch him in the face. I get my things, then head down. Just as I exit the room, I turn to him. "Of course...you wouldn't understand..."

I head downstairs, for the last time. I'm glad that Yumi offered me a place to stay at her place...she's rich, anyway.

"Ready, sir?" The taxi driver opens the trunk, then helps me with my luggage.

"Never been more ready." I tell him. I've been waiting...all this time...So...it's great.

XDXDXDXD

I haven't been seeing Yumi lately...it's not like I don't wan to get closer to her...I do, but I'm afraid to...I'm afraid that I might loose her, too. I live with her, but I really don't talk to her. I don't want to get to know her.

After I paid the funeral expenses, and the hospital bills, I resumed my old job-as I couldn't continue with the band members...due to the loss of Ash...I only did it enough for me to obtain the money...what I needed. Now I have the amount I needed. I open the door, and hand him the money. He looks surprised to see me.

"Ah, Mr. Nikaido...is it all completed?" He asks.

"Just give me what I want." I grit through my teeth. He finishes counting the money. "Very well. I'll send her down." He picks up the reciever. "Yes, send her down, please." He hangs it up, a small smile on his face, which I'd like to smack right off him. "They'll be here shortly." He tells me. It isn't until a few moments later that I see the door opened, followed by the little girl, and her care taker. The woman looks surprised...I laugh mentally. Why wouldn't she?

"Sakura, meet your father." The man answers the long, unknown to all question. (AN: -gasps- So...that's who she was all along...) She seems excited. I kneel down to one knee, and she hugs me tightly, and I return it with tears streaming down my face.

"I knew you would come for me..." She whispers into my ear. I let a sob escape my mouth. She parts the hug to wipe away my tears.

"Don't be sad." She looks at me with concern.

"I'm not." I tell her. "These are cries of joy."

"It's still crying, you know." she responds quite cleverly. "It's still sad." She adds. I laugh slightly, then hug her close again. I stand up, then get out of that place...and into a home where...it actually is a home...did I achieve my happiness? No...I haven't...but will I?

XDXDXDXD

The secret is finally revealed! Now...what will be in store for the next chapters? Stick around for more! And...please review...you'll be loved forever! XD


	23. The Truth

Okay...the setting is going to change to about 9 years after the short reunion. I'm guessing that you all knew it was his daughter that he was trying to get from the beginning of the story, right? XD

Thanks to those who reviewed!

_Numanumaiei: _Yea. Betcha didn't see that coming, eh? XD Well, yea. Just like Kaylee's death still haunts him...man, Beni needs some mental help. lol Anyway, thanks for reviewing! XD

_Silverquickstar: _Yea...so sweet, ain't it? XD Finally reunites with his child...and now let's see what happens next! Thanks again for your review! XD

_axel: _Heh, well when things start to go right...it all falls down again for him. I wonder why I make them suffer so much? lol Really? I like to make people cry, I guess. lol Especially if it's your favorite character. XD Anyway, thanks for your review! XD

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SNK characters...

Chapter 23: _The truth..._

Benimaru POV

Yumi accepted Sakura as her own...and I explained how Kaylee had died in a car accident...it was a miracle that Sakura had survived...they had to give a seasection to remove her...otherwise...she would've died as well. I know...I was stupid-I was careless that night with Kaylee...I could have prevented it...I chose not to. Having sex with someone, I know...doesn't have to mean that they're just some kind of sex symbol...with my mistake, I got Sakura...but...now that I think about it, she's no mistake at all...

Could I have saved her? Saved Ash? Saved them from all of the trageties? (You tried) A voice told me. I knew...this was comfort...and I needed to put it all behind me...but could I? Could I ever be the same again?

XDXDXDXD

Normal POV

_9 Years later..._

"Mr. Nikaido?" The doctor called his attention.

"Sorry, it's just..." Benimaru sighed, trailing off. Holding his head in his hands, he mumbled another sorry.

"It's okay, Mr. Nikaido...we can offer help..."

"No, it's okay."

"Are you sure you'll be all right?" The doctor asked, concerned. Benimaru let out a sigh before he got up from the bed.

"Yes. Thank you..." Benimaru headed out the door silently, silently wishing to be dreaming...anything was better than this. he couldn't tell them...no, he couldn't...could he? _(They won't deal with it...I can't deal with it...) _Benimaru thought as he reached for a cigarette. He froze. He held it in his hands, looking at it for a long while._ (This...) _He trailed off in thought as he crushed it in his hand._ (This is the cause of it...) _He threw it on the ground, then realized that it wasn't. _(No...that wasn't the cause...making myself a whore was what did it...) _He laughed bitterly. He took out another cigarette, then lit it up. He took in a long drag, then let it out slowly as he looked into the clear blue sky.

"Do you believe what you see? Do you believe what you are?" Benimaru mumbled. _(I can't believe anything anymore...life is just a waste...and so, it ends soon...)_

XDXDXDXD

"Dad!" Sakura hugged her father, who was stiff for a moment, but then quickly reacted by hugging her back tightly.

"Sakura." Benimaru kissed the top of her head.

"Dad, can you give me a ride into town? I'm meeting some friends there." She smiled sweetly.

"Sure...are you ready?" He replied with a small, weak smile.

"No, I'll be right down!" She ran up the stairs. Yumi came in from the kitchen.

"You're back already?" She smiled, then gave him a kiss to the lips.

"Yea..." He hugged her waist as best he could, then kissed her again. He let go of her, then rubbed her stomach.

"He's getting big." Benimaru murmured into her ear.

"Yes...he is...have we decided on a name yet?" She asked.

"..." Benimaru stayed quiet._ (I can wait 4 more months...can't I?) _Benimaru thought.

"Honey...I think I'm going to name him after you." She responded to break the uncomfortable silence. "Isn't that good?" She asked when he didn't say anything. He finally snapped out of his thoughts.

"Yes...it is." Benimaru hugged her cautiously.

"I'm ready." Sakura was at the bottom of the stairs, a look of slight annoyance on her face.

"Sorry." Benimar looked at Yumi, then at Sakura. "What are you waiting for, then?" Benimaru smiled at her, hugging her tightly as they walked out the door, and out to the garage.

"I was waiting for you." She responded.

"Don't be that way...I'll always love you more." Benimaru murmured as he hugged her.

"You're not lying, are you?" She pouted.

"Why would I lie to you about something like that, Sakura?" Benimaru kissed the top of her head again. "Kami, Sakura...you're just like your mother..." He trailed off.

"You've told me that a dozen times before." She poked him in the stomach, and he finally let go of her. He laughed for an instant, then smiled.

"Come on, then. You don't want your friends to think that you ditched them, now would you?" He opened the car door for her.

"No." She replied as she slid into the car seat. Benimaru closed the door, then headed over to his side. Once he had gotten in, Sakura looked at him for a long while.

"Dad?" She called his attention as they were reversing out to the street.

"Hmm?" He turned to look at her while putting the car into drive.

"Why couldn't you take me home? All those years?" She asked. Benimaru had avoided this question-he didn't want to tell her. He sighed, then looked at her. It looked like she wasn't going to leave him alone until he told her.

"It was because I wasn't suited enough to be a father...and to let you stay where I was..." He told her.

"Why?" She asked, yet again. She wanted a specific explaination.

"I...didn't have much money...I lived in this...crappy appartment and..." He trailed off.

"And what?" She held his free hand as he drove slowly.

"I...I...was prostituting myself for money..." Silence filled the car. She took her hand off Benimaru's quickly, shocked at the news...the truth. "...is that whay you wanted to know?" He asked her with a shaky voice. She didn't say anything.

"Stop." She told him after a while of driving into the town. Benimaru stopped the car. She opened the door, but before she could get out, Benimaru caught her arm.

"Sakura, please." Benimaru's eyes stung with a guilty, empty feeling.

"I have to go..." She whispered. "My friends are waiting." She pulled away. She was about to close the door when she heard her name, agony in his voice.

"I...I did it for you, Sakura...I did it to get enough money to get you out of there...Please don't hate me." He felt tears run down his cheeks, but he couldn't stop them...not this time.

"I have to go." She looked away from his stare, then slowly closed the door. Benimaru took off moments later, once she was out of sight. _(Why? Why did I tell her the truth?) _He thought to himself. His eyes widened. _(The truth...it was the truth...)_

XDXDXDXD

When Benimaru had gotten home, he lay on the couch, falling asleep instantly.

The dream he had dealt with him...and the band...and..._he_ was there, singing with passion while he played guitar. _(Ash...) _Benimaru thought in his sleep. The dream cut to him and Ash...in what seemed a real, vivid moment. The kiss felt real...the passion...

He awoke suddenly, touching his lips faintly. _(Ash...did I really want to be with him?) _He thought to himself. _(No...it was Ash who liked me...I didn't...did I?) _Benimaru thought pensively

"Kami..." He whispered to himself. "Why does everyone hate me...?"

XDXDXDXD

_2:39AM..._

"Thanks!" Sakura got off the car, and waved at her friends. They took off as she headed inside the house. She felt sorry...had he really done all that just for her? Sacrifice everything just for her sake? She opened the door silently. No, her father didn't turn on the lights to startly her, and no, he wasn't sitting on the couch, waiting for her late arrival. There was no one in sight. She turned on the kitchen lights, deciding to eat an apple-just a late night snack. She changed her mind as guilt settled in. She saw the bathroom light on upstairs. As she was going up to her room, her father stepped out, looking at her with a small smile on his face.

"Back?" He asked her softly.

"Yes..." She trailed off. As she opened her mouth to say something, he turned, and began to walk away. She held her breath for a few seconds until she finally decided to speak again.

"Dad?" She called him. He stopped walking, but he didn't turn around to face her.

"I'm sorry." She heard her own voice waver. "I'm sorry." She ran to him as he turned to face her, then they caught each other in a tight embrace. "I'm so sorry, dad...I...I just-"

"Shhh...it's okay..." He soothed out, rubbing her back. He kissed her cheek, then embraced her tightly again.

"I caused you a lot of trouble...and I'm sorry." She finally stated after a while. He parted away from her, then wiped away her tears.

"No...don't be sorry for that...really. You were not trouble...you were what I strived for after your mother..." He stopped, managing a quivering smile.

"I just noticed that you shaved...it's smooth." She said to him, breaking some of the tension.

"Yea...I did. It's a miracle." He responded.

"You should shave it more often...you look better that way, dad." She suggested. He only smiled.

"It's all right now...go to bed." He sent her off to her room. She did so, not looking back at him-she didn't want to see him cry...

XDXDXDXDXDXD

So...what'd you guys think? It's not the end just yet...although most of you would like it to be-but it ain't over yet! I think this next one should be the last...unless I decide to change it...hehehe. Please leave me a review and tell me what you thought! XD


	24. Surprises

Short chapter...in which you guys will find yet another big surprise...hehehe. Read on!

_Silverquickstar: _I know...-wipes tear- He's SO gonna be mine. lol hehe, well this is a short chapter. I hope you like it, anyway! Thanks for your review! XD

_NumaNumaIei: _Yes...judging from it...I am going to make something like that happen. lol No...I just can't! lol He's mine to torture...hehehe. Thanks for the review! XD

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the SNK characters used in this fic...or any other.

Chapter 24: _ Surprises..._

_2 months later..._

_July 23rd_

Sakura met up with Benimaru at the hospital. Benimaru had an exicted, yet worried look on his face.

"He'll be all right...he came two months before he was due, but he's okay." Benimaru hugged her tightly.

"What are you-" She stopped in mid sentence. She remembered the baby.

"We changed the name." Benimaru murmured out of no where.

"What is it?" Sakura asked, still in her father's arms.

"Ethan." He mumbled.

XDXDXDXD

Benimaru POV

I got to hold him...I can't see his eyes yet...I don't know for sure if they are going to stay whatever color they are, either. I promised that I'd stay around long enough for him to be born...and that was it. I feel so weak...my body throbs with pain...I can't take it anymore.

"Yumi, he's beautiful!" Yuki had the nerve to come because Kyo...he still doesn't want to talk to me.

"Thank you, Yuki-chan." Yumi smiled weakly.

"Oh, Benimaru!" Yuki hugged me lightly. "I wish Kyo was here to see-"

"What's up, girly-boy?" I suddenly hear a voice behind me. I turn around, not believing my eyes.

"Kyo?" I watch as he walkes over to Yumi, who is holding the baby. Kyo smiled slightly.

"He looks just like you. Let's hope that he isn't going to be as conceited as you once were." Kyo laughed. As I once was...that was the past...

"Let's hope not..." I mumble.

It's time for me to leave...I pass by a few rooms, looking at all the names. I want to believe...that Ash is somewhere...in one of those rooms. I don't even seem to remember why I had been here in the first place...since...I came looking for _her_. Of course...I wanted to believe that I could find her. Look what she got me into. I halt when I see the name.

_Nikaido._

This isn't Yumi's room...who can it be? I know there must be more people's last name being Nikaido, but my curiousity takes over. My heart quickens as I turn the door knob, and open the door. I see no one on the bed, except for a few flowers.

"Kuro, did you bring-" I hear the bathroom door open, and a woman in hospital clothes, her hand attached to wires and an IV pack. She stops in mid-sentence as she sees me there. My eyes finally adjust to the face, and my memories soar back...can it be? The door opens behind me, and a voice, oddly similar to my own calls out,

"Mother, I found them." He gasps once he sees me. I can't tear my eyes away from him...he's...he can't be...

XDXDXDXDXDXD

Cliffhanger! XD

Ooh...O.o I wonder what this surprise is about...hehehe. I just have loads of surprises up for you guys, don't I? Well, please review!


	25. From What We Know

All right peeps...the second to last chapter here. It'll all end soon. XD Might take me a while to update this last one...hehehe. Anyway, please read and review! XD

_axel: _Heck yes! lol Well...me and my twists. lol It's the only way I can continue my fics...by making things change constantly. XD Yes, Kyo is one heartless bastard sometimes. XD I just made him that way. No need to wait any longer! Here's the chapter! Thanks for your review! Totally brightened my night. hehe. XD

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the SNK characters...

Chapter 25: _From what we know..._

"Mother?" I ask suddenly, fixing my eyes on her. She looks down, almost ashamed. "Is that you?" I question.

"Benimaru...you've changed." She mumbles, settling herself down on the bed slowly. Her weak body, trembling.

"How do you explain all this?" I point to my brother, who seems to be my twin...or I must be seeing things. "How could you not tell me?" I hear my voice waver.

"Benimaru...Kuromaru is your twin." She responds weakly.

"I can see that." I tell her, looking at him a long, good while.

"Benimaru-"

"Why did you leave me? Leave dad?" I interrupt her.

"I had no other choice."

"No other choice?" I laugh bitterly, walking around to the other side of the bed. "It's all your fault..."

"Stop this, now." She holds her head, as if in pain. Pain...she doesn't know what real pain is.

"It's all your fault that I'm a failure." I tell her.

"Stop it! Didn't you hear me?"! She shouts.

"No!" I shout back, "I'm not going to let you get your way anymore..." My voice breaks.

"Benimaru..." I hear his voice behind me. You don't even know me...why would you call me by my name? I want to tell him. "Mother..." He turns to her. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I couldn't...I was afraid." She responds.

"Afraid?" I tell her.

"Of what?" I hear Kuromaru ask.

"..." She doesn't answer. Should I? Should I forgive her? I turn away in disgust.

"So...this is the mother I came for...all that trouble for nothing..." I make my way around the bed, and past my brother, and out the door. I hear my name being called.

"Benimaru!" I half expect it to be my mother...but no. It's not. I don't turn around to look, and I don't stop for him. "Benimaru, please wait." I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder. I come faced to face with another version of myself...only...he looks younger somehow...I realize that...he hasn't gone through anything at all...

"This...this is unbelievable..." He trails off, looking at me with a small smile.

"We're identical...except for..." He studies my face for a moment. I notice his gentle green eyes. The only difference.

"Your eyes are blue." He finally finishes, looking into my piercing eyes.

"Yea..." I smile lightly.

"I'll see you again, won't I?" He asks.

"Of course." I lie. "Tell mother that I love her...aside from what she did..." I tell him as we leave. I go, where the object I seek will be...death awaits...soon.

I enter, then look around.

"What did you need, sir?" A man comes up to me.

"Just something simple." I tell him.

"Simple? I've got..." He takes out a variety of them, but I see one that I really like. Simple...just the way I wanted it. I pick it up, and take it in my hand. So smooth...cold against my skin.

"How much?" I ask him.

"600 yen." I take the money out of my pocket, then give it to him. I turn my back, placing it inside my coat pocket.

By the time I realize that I'm at the house...and it's hidden...away from the onlookers.

XDXDXDXD

Ethan is going to get out of the hospital today...so...I decided to wait a little longer. Maybe I'll go see him again...

At the hospital, I see Yumi behind a glass wall, breast feeding him.

"Dad?" I'm startled to hear her voice.

"Sakura." I hug her.

"Can I go to the mall? It's close by." She looks at me, then over to a group of friends, not too far away. I look at her, my trembling hand touches her cheek.

"Sure." I tell her.

"Thanks dad, you're the best!" She gives me a kiss on the cheek. Will she think that in a few hours? Will she?

"Sakura." I call her before she runs off with her group of friends. I almost want to tell her, but I decide to tell her what everyone expects me to say...

"Yes?"

"Be careful." I tell her.

"Don't worry, I will!" She shouts, then meets up with her friends.

Meanwhile, I watch as Yumi finishes, and she comes out with him.

"We have to wait until 7:00...if you want, you can go back hime until we're ready to leave." She says. That gives me enough time...

"Let me hold him." This comes out of my mouth even before I realize it. She smiles, then hands him to me. He's small...so innocent. I kiss the top of his head, closing my eyes tightly. Tears threaten to come...but I won't let them...not again. After a few moments, I give him back to her. He cries, and Yumi soothes him. Does he know? Is that why he's crying?

"I have to go." My body stiffens as I say this. I have to go...

"Okay. I'll see you at home." She says softly. I smile, then kiss her tenderly. I only nod, then head down the hall. I almost forgot.

"Sakura went to the mall with friends. Make sure she gets home with you." I tel her.

"Okay, I will." She heads back into the safety of that room...while I head to my destination...

XDXDXDXD

I decided to vist someone. Maybe I'll meet him there...and Kaylee. I doubt it, though. I know exactly where I'll be going. God never forgives...for what I'll do.

I'm sitting in the grass, looking into the deep blue sky.

"Do you think..." I try to reach out to the sky. "...Everyone's eternal?" I ask him. I know he can't hear me...can he? The pain is too unbearable.

"I'm sorry...I didn't feel the same way about you..." I clench my eyes shut tightly, cutting off the running tears. "It just wasn't meant to be..." I stand to leave, not looking back, not wanting to think anything for...I'll soon know what it feels like...

XDXDXDXD

I'm guessing that you guys already know what's bound to happen...and yea. The next chapter will be the last. So, please review and have a great day! XD


	26. Is There a Way Out?

Okay...this is the last chapter. So...read on.

I might make another chapter for this...but it all depends...anyway, please read and review! XD

**A special thanks to all the people who reviewed at one point...XD**

_BaboLord: _Meh...I explained to ya 'bout the name already. :P Thanks for reading and takin' time to review through out the whole story! XD Even if...there were loads of hints as to that Benimaru was at one point not too straight. lol I thank you for reviewing that first time, even if you probably didn't want to continue reading it. Thanks! XD

_Silverquickstar: _Yea...today's the day! Take out yer black suits! It's gonna be a sad day...  
Thanks again for taking the time to read this and review! XD I hope that this fic turned out all right...and I'll try to concentrate on my other ones. XD Thanks for reviewing and all! XD

_axel: _Buahaha...I know I killed off your precious Ash...and now, to make it even-Beni...T--T I've been so cruel to both of them...and now it's finally time to end the suffering. XD Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this! XD Although, not always reviewin' but at least I know you're reading! XD Thanks! XD

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the SNK characters I used in this fic...only the ones I made up...

I don't own the following lyrics to these songs:

_Safety Pin Explanation _by _Elliott_

_Is There a Way Out? _by _The Get Up Kids_

_Notes: _

Lyrics:_ Italics_

Chapter 26: _Is there a way out?_

Benimaru POV

It's time...I can see myself there...at our last concert. The stage lit with a dim light. I hear my voice echo in the empty stadium.

"_And I hear the stars have fallen! He finally rests his eyes on the contract! He finally laid his eyes on her red dress. He finally lost his eyes in the contrast!"_ I close my eyes, leaning into the microphone slowly. _"The steel rides up again..." _Violins can be heard. _"He finally lays his line on the man...He finally claims his ties on the land...He finally rests his eyes on the contract!" _I hear how the song starts up again, opening my eyes to coordinate the guitar.

_"He finally lost his eyes in her red dress. He finally lost his eyes in the contract! He slowly runs his eyes through her red dress." _I close my eyes again. _"The steel rides up again...he finally lays his line on the man...he finally lays his ties on the land...he finally lost his eyes on the contract!" _I reopen my eyes slowly. _"To feel the same...and I hear the counselors on his way...to make this cancer change! And I hear the counselors on his way...and I feel I'm-tip top and full of shame! I feel the counselors on his way...and I feel the stars will change! And I feel the counselors on his way...to fill the contract!"_ I turn to look at Ash, who looks at me with a small smile. I turn back to sing once more.

_"Fill it with these days! Feel the contrast, fill it with these days! With a breath it tenses, with a breath you tense on me! Feel the contract, a portrait in the light of same!"_ I close my eyes again.

_"If this is alive, keep me honestly...If this is alive, keep me honestly..." _The guitars soar loudly, with no vocals until a certain point, where I decide to sing again...in my mind.

_"Recognize I'm a man! Recognize what I could have been!" _I hear that Ash has joined me in this part. I scream this out louder.

_"Recognize I'm a man! Recognize what I could have been!" _The song ends slowly in my mind, while I finish my 4th bottle of liquor. I have it here, in my trembling hand. It's not so cold anymore. Sweat and warmth fill it. I look at it for a long while, not wanting to do it...but I know I have to.

Before all of this, I wrote a letter...that they're bound to find. I don't want them to hate me...I know that they'll hate me...for leaving them. What's the use of it now? It's spread...there's no cure...

I place the gun to my head, feeling as the cool end touches the side of my head...beside my temple. I won't feel any pain...just like that. No pain...

"I'm sorry..." I whisper as tears run down my cheeks, more than ever. I look at a picture of Yumi and Sakura, a few months back...there are reoccuring memories flashing in my head...all of the good ones...I hear the click...It's ready. "I'm so sorry..."

XDXDXD

Normal POV

_8:23PM_

"Sakura, can you help me with these bags?" Yumi asked her step daughter.

"Of course." She took the bags while Yumi gently placed the baby carridge on the ground. She headed for the bedroom.

"Benimaru?" She made her way up stairs slowly. It was all too silent. "Benimaru, honey?" She called out before reaching the door. She turned it slowly, sighing. She opened the door. It was all too dark. But in the midst of it all, she noticed a dark pool of liquid that had nearly reached the door's enterance. She turned on the lights. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw Benimaru on the ground, and the red substance on the ground...a dark pool of blood...

XDXDXDXD

"NO!" Sakura heard her step mother shout from above. Startled, she ran up the stairs, and into the room. She stopped short when she saw Yumi hugging her father's lifeless body, and crying into him. She saw the gun, not too far away on the ground.

"Benimaru...please..." Yumi cried out.

"Dad?" She whispered. Yumi heard this. She looked up at her, covering Benimaru's body as best she could.

"Get away from here, Sakura!" She shouted. "You don't need to see this..." She cried out. The baby was heard crying downstairs.

"Why?" Sakura murmured, shaking her head. Tears came...

"Sakura, please...call the ambulance." Yumi lifted her body from Benimaru's bloodied state. Sakura saw the damage.

"Why?"!" Sakura screamed, letting herself sink to the floor. "Why did you leave me?"!

XDXDXDXD

_If ever I'm wrong...whatever I do..._

"Your husband..." The doctor explained while Yumi and Sakura held onto each other, tears still streaming from their eyes. "He didn't tell you?" The doctor asked.

"No..." Yumi mumbled.

_If anyone asks, I will be hiding...from you.  
_

"He had cancer." The doctor responded. Yumi looked up at the doctor for the first time, looking him in the eye.

"What?"

_If ever I speak, put words in my mouth...  
_

"Your husband had colin cancer...that spread to his body. He rejected the treatments we could have given him."

_Its only speech, and sound!  
_

"How...how could he not have told us?" She whispered, clutching Sakura's hand tightly.

"I wouldn't know, Mrs. Nikaido..." The doctor trailed off. "I wouldn't know..."

XDXDXD

At the Funeral...

_Is there a way out?  
_

Kyo came up to Yumi, hugging her tightly.

"I'm sorry...about what happened." Kyo strained himself not to cry. "He...I didn't know he-"

"It's all right..." Yumi cried onto his shoulder. "He made the choice..." She trailed off as Kyo let go of her.

_I've got this blood on my hands. And if theres some safe ground...  
I'm all for it...  
_

"Why did you do this?" Kyo whispered, looking at the coffin.

_If ever untrue...then how would you know?  
_

"We're sorry, Yumi...he...we would never imagine him doing this to himself..." Yuki held onto Kyo tightly.

_What would you do, where would you go?  
_

"Sakura...she's the one we should look after now...she's taking this the hardest." Yumi wiped away most of her tears. They looked over to her. She was still standing by his coffin, just staring at it.

_If ever I lied, what would it be...  
_

"Dad..." Sakura whispered. "Why did you leave us? How could you...?" She covered her mouth to muffle a sob.

_If I were to die, because you discovered me!_

"I hate you..." Sakura tightened her grip on the tissue. "Why?"

_  
Is there a way out?  
I've got this blood on my hands...  
And if theres some safe ground...  
I'm all for it...  
_

There was suddenly a figure, walking toward the coffin. Yumi looked at him, her eyes widened with shock. She walked over to him slowly, as he placed a rose on top of the coffin. Sakura stared at him. Could it be? Was he just playing some sick joke? Was it their imagination?

"Benimaru?" Yumi cried out, hoping. She caught his arm. He turned to look at her...and she saw his eyes...They were different...

He turned away, closing them.

"I'm sorry..." He mumbled as a tear escaped, and ran down his cheek. They had made a mistake...

_Is there a way out?  
_

"I'm Benimaru's brother..." He whispered. "I'm sorry to hear that he..." He trailed off, feeling as hands wrapped themselves around his waist.

_I've got this blood on my hands.  
_

He looked down to see a mass of blonde hair. He managed to swallow the knot in his throat. (Benimaru's daughter...)

"I'm sorry..." He mumbled.  
_  
And if theres some safe ground!  
I'm all for it..._

"He set it that way...there was no way out for him..."

I'm all for it...

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD

Well...that's it! I won't lie...I almost cried while typing this out...so sad. I know...I suck at endings. This is a bad ending 'cause you all know happy endings don't always come. XD  
Who knows? Maybe I'll write out a happy ending? We'll see! Please review, and have an awesome week dudes and dudettes! XD


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